Elder Abuse: How I Discovered ‘Baghban’ Was Right About Old Age

Every visit to the old age shelter shook my faith in humanity; turns out ‘Baghban’ was right about old age.

With every visit to the old age shelter, my faith in humanity shook a little bit more. And reminded me why Baghban was always right about old age. (Photo: The Quint)

The first time I saw Baghban was on television at home, with my parents. When the film was released, my parents had seen it in a theatre. And bafflingly, they had returned with worried looks and swollen eyes.

I disliked the film. How many different shades of depraved do you have to be to throw your parents out? Who treats their parents like that, I asked?

The words came back to haunt me years later as I sat under a tin shed on an assignment, listening to Bittan, a frail 85-year old woman tell me how she was left at the steps of a temple by her daughter. Turns out, as far as old age and elder abuse is concerned, Baghban was right all along. Depravity is not hard to find.

I disliked Baghban. How many different shades of depraved do you have to be to throw your parents out? (Photo: Twitter/Maha Saleem)

From a Posh Railways Job To A Horror Story of Abuse

When my father was sick, I fed him food with a spoon. Here, there is no one to ask me if I have eaten food. 

EP Cain

Misfortune avoids the well-off.

That’s more or less a maxim which most middle-class families believe in. But what if you have a stable government job and a good income but still find yourself in an old age home after retirement?

It is a bitter truth, but one which hits hard. How can all the money in the world protect you when infirmity comes knocking? (Photo: The Quint)

85-year old EP Cain moved to Gurgaon to live with his sons, both of whom are well-educated and employed in well-paying jobs. After some time, they started beating him after which they ‘dumped’ him at an old age shelter.

As he says these words, he flinches a little, looking at his bed, the only possession left to him. “But why haven’t you filed a case of abuse against your sons?” I ask, bubbling with a white hot rage.

He smiles and gestures to himself. “Look at me, I have had three heart surgeries, how would I stand the gruelling routine of going to the court?”

It is a bitter truth, but one which hits hard. How can all the money in the world protect you when infirmity comes knocking?

‘What is Meant to Happen, Will Happen’

Kamlesh Datta is the Punjabi grandmother you read about in books.

Kind, crinkly eyes. Full of homilies. And an impassive, wise face which has seen more tragedies than it reveals.

But chatting with Kamlesh Aunty (as I unconsciously started to call her), I felt calmer, hoping against hope that things will turn out fine. (Photo: The Quint)

On 25th July, a 62-year old woman in Lajpat Nagar was brutally murdered. Reading this story, I couldn’t help but think of Datta who also lived her entire life in Lajpat Nagar, running a creche for children. After her daughters told her that they were unable to give her a place to stay, she moved to the old age shelter. And is now its oldest resident.

With every visit to the old age shelter, my faith in humanity shook a little bit more. I couldn’t understand the children who abused their parents, and the parents who faced the abuse with a mixture of resignation and anger. Why weren’t we coming out in droves to protect the rights of our elderly citizens? Where are the protest marches? 

But chatting with Kamlesh Aunty (as I has unconsciously started to call her), I felt calmer, hoping against the inevitable that things will be fine. That not all humans are just a combination of their baser emotions.

Some have the wisdom and strength to emerge unscathed from it all.

Through Dilip Kumar Songs, A Glimpse of Myself

Working in the news business, you develop skin thick enough to rival a rhinoceros.

But my thick skin was in danger of disintegrating as Bittan, an 85-year old woman, giggled impishly while telling me about her trip to Mumbai as a young girl.

Bittan, an 85-year old woman, giggled impishly while telling me about her trip to Mumbai as a young girl. (Photo: The Quint)

I went with my father and he asked me which do you prefer, Delhi or Mumbai? I told him Delhi, and he laughed in my face! He said the whole world wants to come to Mumbai and you prefer your Delhi! Stupid girl, he called me!

Bittan 

It was in Delhi that Bittan brought up her daughter, even after her husband passed away. And it was Delhi where she was abandoned by her daughter on the steps of a temple in Chattarpur.

A gregarious talker, Bittan and I shared one passion. Films.

Her face lights up as she boasts about watching films religiously all her life; even when she had to pay Rs. 40, even when she had to pay more. She talks about Rajendra Kumar, and it strikes a chord.

In her undying enthusiasm for films, I see a glimpse of myself. The famous, journalistic thick skin lies discarded as everything around me seems more fragile and less stable. What would my old age look like, I wonder. 

Nobody Stays Young Forever. Not Even India

Documenting elder abuse in Delhi started off being just another assignment for me. Until it wasn’t. Every time I pass an elderly man or woman in the park, I can’t help but think of Bittan, Kamlesh and EP Cain.

Nobody stays young forever, not even if you are a young, ambitious country raring to achieve pinnacles of economic growth. In a few years, India will have more seniors than young. We are ageing, and just as Baghban (and before that Rajesh Khanna’s Avtar) told us so many years ago, we aren’t listening.

And we really, really need to.