'Is There a Formula for a Happy Marriage?' With Sunandaji

How do you reduce conflict in a marriage? How do you stave off negative emotions?

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"A lot of people have unreasonable expectations (from their partners), simply because we don't assess and accept them for who they are," says Sunandaji, a philosopher and trustee of Vedanta Cultural Foundation, a charitable trust dedicated to the study, research and propagation of Vedanta.

Sunandaji breaks down the basic guiding principles that are key to minimising conflict in marriage.

"One must understand that no two minds are alike. So, you have to assess your partner and accept them as they are, not wanting them to be something other than what they are."

Sunandaji

She goes on to say that an intellegent way to deal with a relationship is to assess and accept the person as they are. However, she adds, thereafter, there are certain principles that would help minimise friction, unpleasantness and keep the marriage without conflict.

1. You ought to base your relationship on the principle of giving, not taking.

2. Move forward with a sense of duty, and not rights.

3. Maintain an attitude of keeping your partner before you.

"It all comes down to attitude. If one can keep these basic principles in mind then you can have a good relationship with anyone."

Sunandaji

What About Negative Emotions?

Whether in marriage, or other interpersonal relationships, negative emotions invariably tend to crop up. What do you do then?

How do you manage the negative thoughts and emotions that can cause friction in your relationship with your partner?

To this, Sunandaji says, "Negative emotions all stem from the root cause which is desire. Which is why, in all religions, desire is personified as the devil standing between human and God."

"There's nothing wrong with desire per say. It's ungoverned desires that cause all the problems."

Sunandaji

How do you control unbirdled desire? "Only with the help of a strong intellect," she says.

"When you use your intellect and gain higher values of life, a powerful intellect is able to guide the mind," she adds.

"Its like a river. River water is beneficial provided the banks are strong. If the waters in the river are not guided by the banks, the same water can destroy fields."

sunandaji