5 Things as Pointless as Election Manifestos

How pointless is the Election Manifesto? The answer lies with Rakhi Sawant, Anupam Kher and more. Here’s the story.

Nihilistically speaking, life is pointless. But what is even more pointless, is probably the Election Manifesto. (Photo: iStockphoto / Altered by The Quint)

Free electricity to half of the electorate!
Free mobile phones and laptops!
Free dhotis, saris and mangalsootras!
FREE corruption!... erm... a corruption-free government!
Instant prohibition!
It’s the season of the Election Manifesto!

What do you do with an election manifesto? No one knows. So, we at The Quint burnt the midnight CFL and came up with the only logical solution... a listicle!
Here are five things as pointless as the Election Manifesto.

A Hairdressr Appointment for Anupam Kher

Booking a hairdressers’ appointment for Anupam Kher.
He’s not going to turn up and it’s going to leave the hairdresser disappointed and feeling intolerant!

Sir, I’m just joking. I hope you will read this and go, ‘Kher, rehne do.’ I loved you in Chaalbaaz, among many other movies. (Photo: IANS)

A Chihuahua Guard-Dog

Chihuahuas are also called pocket dogs, which can fit on the palm of your hand, which you occasionally fit into your pocket. A Chihuahua guard-dog will not fail to disappoint; Just like the Election Manifesto!

Q: Are they guard dogs? A: Is the Election Manifesto practical? BTW, did you notice the love in their eyes? Awwwwww. (Photo: iStockphoto)

The National Question

Trying to finish your sentence when someone ends the question with –

Because sometimes, KNOW means NO. (Photo: Harpreet Singh / The Quint)

The country will never know. It will always want to know. But it will never know.

Telling Rakhi Sawant a Joke

When it comes to being seriously funny when she’s serious... she is a SaVant.

SRK has fans. Rakhi Sawant doesn’t. Rakhi Sawant Bans Fans. Now there are 6 million results on Google when you type ‘Rakhi Sawant Fans’. Who’s laughing now? (Photo: IANS)

Eating Idlis With Tomato Sauce

There is a plethora of choices of sambars and chutneys and podis and other condiments. To believe that it will work is in itself a flawed premise, but to think that one is actually having a traditional breakfast reflects the inherent disconnect that one might have with reality.

Stop the murder. Love the idli. (Photo: iStock / altered by The Quint)

If you think of anything more pointless than this listicle, please add to it.

(Vikram Venkateswaran is a freelance writer, TV producer and media consultant. Headings, titles and captions are his kryptonite. He just moved to Chennai and hopes the city likes him and is nice to him.)