A Family's Endless Wait For Their Gul — The Gulfisha Fatima Story

"After more than 3 years, you just accept it. Jail is the best place to make you helpless," Gulfisha to The Quint.

Gulfisha Fatima has been languishing in jail for over four years now.

(Photo: Kamran Akhter/The Quint)

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"After more than three years, you just accept it. Jail is the best place to make you helpless. So you just hope that whatever has to happen, happens soon."

Faintly smiling, Gulfisha Fatima whispered into my ears during one hearing in Karkardooma court on 5 August. Dressed in a rust pink top, a stole and a floral black skirt, another woman police official sat beside her and held her hand with a firmly throughout the hearing.

Despite the past years of incarceration, not once in those 45 minutes, did Fatima stopped smiling. She chatted with her parents, unpacking all that she could in little time.

On being asked if she faced any communal comments in Tihar jail by an officer or inmate, she told The Quint:

I was called an 'educated terrorist' in 2020, but perceptions changed the longer I was in jail. A woman prisoner I once had a fight with, said that she understands that I'm in jail for no reason, that it is wrong what is being done to me.

Gulfisha Fatima to The Quint

Gulfisha Fatima with her late grandmother.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

The 32-year-old is lodged in Tihar jail for taking part in the anti-CAA and NRC protests which, according to the police, led to Northeast Delhi riots in February 2020. This theory has been contested by several activists. The police has alleged that she was the one who organised the protest at Jaffrabad. Fatima has got bail in FIR 48/20, but remains in jail in FIR 59/20 — the UAPA case.

Fatima's story is also symbolic of all the other women prisoners who were incarcerated under UAPA such as Devangana Kalita, Natasha Narwal, Safoora Zargar, Ishrat Jahan and others.

Even while Kalita, Narwal, Zargar and Jahan are out on bail in the same case, Fatima continues to languish in jail for four years. This is Fatima and her family's story.

Nestled deep in one of the by lanes that lead towards Jaffrabad is Fatima's house. A grocery shop-owner turned up in a white vest and a black and grey lungi and looked at me attentively. This is Gulfisha's father Tasneef Hussain who walked me to their home.

As I climbed up the staircase and talked about Fatima, the first thing that caught my eyes were the birds in a cage outside their room, strange yet befitting.

Gulfisha Fatima's father Tasneef Hussain in their home.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Gul (which means flower) as she is lovingly called by the family, lived with her family until she was picked up and arrested by the Delhi Police in April 2020. Over four years later, the family has molded their lives around Gul's absence and are living on the crumbs of her phone calls and court hearings.

In a small room with peach-colored walls and a mattress on the floor, Fatima's mother Shakra Begum, sat across from me in a turquoise suit matching the turquoise walls in her house. Her eyes welled up when she heard Fatima's name. She told The Quint:

"The other day Gul told me she isn't scared of anything anymore. My child, who couldn't even kill a bug, now killed a lizard in her prison cell and she told me it's like any fear has ceased within her."

Tasneef is originally from Bijnor, Uttar Pradesh but was born and raised in Delhi. Meanwhile, Shakra has been living in this house for over 25 years.

Gulfisha Fatima's photo across the peach-colored walls of her home.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Fatima is currently sharing her prison cell with two others. Neelam Azad, one of the accused in the Parliament security breach is also placed in the same complex.

She misses her home, especially the space and privacy she was accustomed to.

"I miss home. I just miss my space where I could be on my own. I miss my terrace a lot. I used to sleep there, I had not even let AC be installed in my room for a long time," Fatima recalled.

But her incarceration has had an indelible mark on her parents who long for their Gul.

Her father, a frail yet undefeatable Tasneef suffers from depression, anxiety ever since Fatima was jailed. His sugar levels fluctuate, fainting bouts have worsened and sleep usually evades him till he takes his tranquilisers.

His face lights up every time he remembers his Gul.

Sometimes Gul comes in my dreams. I see her coming up the stairs, her voice and giggle as she appears from the staircase with a smile on her face. She comes closer, then disappears and then I wake up.

Tasneef Hussain to The Quint

Tasneef showing Gulfisha's old photos.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

For Gul — The Life That Was & The Life That Is

Shakra too, suffers from depression. Reminiscing about how Fatima grew up is one of the moments when she feels happy, she said.

For Gulfisha was reserved and an introvert while growing up. Her interests mostly oscillated between writing and reading. She went on to pursue Urdu Honours from Kirori Mal College, Delhi University and then completed her MBA from Institute of Management Education in Ghaziabad.

Her mother noted, "Before she was arrested, Gul had also given an interview at a renowned hotel in Delhi and was selected. She said that while she was taking part in anti-CAA protests, she also wanted to chalk out her life."

Gulfisha Fatima's mother Shakra Begum misses Fatima every day.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Shakra stated that this was the "first ever protest" that Gul attended. It was almost 20 days after Fatima's arrest that her elder brother's Aaqil Hussain, broke the news of her arrest to them.

Even prior to the arrest, her father never questioned Fatima's decision to study further or pressurised her to marry.

I always wanted Gul to study and pursue whichever field she wanted to. People might blame us today, correlating her education with her incarceration but it's because she is educated that she speaks the truth and fights for justice.

Tauseef Hussain to The Quint

"Sach bolne wale zyada tar pareshaan rehte hain," he added. (Those who speak the truth are mostly troubled).

One of Gulfisha's old photo, before she was arrested.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

But Gul seems to have changed her mind about further studies. "I think I'm done now, I'd very much like to go to a mountain and have peace when I'm released."

This is what their communication with Fatima looks like. In a week, they get 5-minute phone calls 2-3 times. In these, the family tries to encompass their daily activities but can barely manage the usual greetings.

It's Shakra who attends to the calls mostly as Tasneef is at his shop.

Gulfisha now has new stories to tell as the women she is surrounded by in the jail have taken to her. Last time, Gul told them how if there's a fight or argument between any women, they come to Gul to resolve the issue.

A new kind of camaraderie, a friendship that keeps her going.

"She helps the women prisoners in writing their letters and applications as they've come to trust her writing skills. She tutors some women and earns a meagre amount. That too, she uses to buy necessities for other women. Yahan bhi dusro ke liye jee rahi thi, waha bhi dusro ke liye. (She was living for others here and now she is living for others there too)," remarked Shakra

Shakra showing Gulfisha Fatima's photos.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

On the other hand, Fatima has also missed out on a lot of things: her brother got married and now also has children. The two children have barely interacted with their aunt, so she sends drawings for them whenever she can.

'Aa Jao Na..Le Jao Na' Gulfisha's Poem For Her Abbu

Over 1,500 days and counting. This is how long Fatima has been jailed.

A meticulous student and an avid reader, Fatima has taken to writing letters in the jail.

Both, Shakra and Tasneef broke down in tears on being asked what they miss about Fatima, implying that words wouldn't do justice.

One thing that truly links Fatima and her father is their love for Urdu shayari and couplets.

So at an instant, Tasneef went on, "Dil cheer ke kehte hain tera dard kidhar hai." (Tearing my heart and then asking me where the pain is).

Tauseef reminisces about times he spent his daughter in the past.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

In front of me on the mattress lied Fatima's letters, each had either stories or poems that she has written from her prison cell, they elucidate her pain, longing and loneliness. Among them is also an old one where she talked about Rahat Indori's demise and his Urdu couplets.

Some of the letters from Tihar jail written by Gulfisha Fatima.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Even in the court, when I asked Gul who her favorites are, she excitedly said, "Ghalib, Faiz, Rahat Indori and Jaun Elia."

Fatima said she now has access to DD Urdu and watches Qawwali when she can. Her father, on the other hand, has stopped watching Musharias back home in Gul's absence.

"I've promised myself that I will only watch Mushairas with my daughter. Until then, I won't because it's too painful and I can't bring myself to do something both of us enjoyed together," he said.

In the court, Fatima tried convincing Tasneef to watch them but he smiled and refused.

One of the drawings Gulfisha Fatima earlier sketched in jail.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

There's a poem she wrote for her 'Abbu' in jail that reflects the bond and love the father-daughter duo share.

In it, she talked about her school days and how Tasneef took her back home when he saw tears in her eyes.

She wrote poignantly, "Tears still remain, once again, please understand like before. Come and get me like you did before."

Gulfisha Fatima wrote this poem, remembering her father from jail recently.

(Photo: Accessed by The Quint)

Even as the letters and calls breathe some life into the family every now and then, Tasneef, looked down at his photos, his smile wore off and then he kept them aside.

He said, "Sometimes I think about self-harm. When my depression gets worse and even though I'm taking medicines, I think about very seriously harming myself because I don't know how to get her back, how to make it all okay."

Tasneef showing his favorite photos of his daughter, Gulfisha Fatima.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Why Gul's Case Will Be Heard For The 3rd Time

Tasneef lamented on his daughter being charged with UAPA, a law which makes it extremely tough to get bail.

"They have charged her with UAPA. The law which stamps someone of being anti-national and a terrorist. Tauheen ki baat hai, it’s a matter of shame that such a law is being imposed against our daughter," he remarked.

Tasneef Hussain and Shakra Begum in front of Karkardooma court on 5 August.

(Photo: Aliza Noor/The Quint)

Fatima's case has been listed 65 times in the High Court and the Bench has changed four times till now.

Here's why her bail order remains in a fix.

The bail application in her case was first filed in High Court in May 2022.

First, it was Justice Siddharth Mridul who had heard the bail arguments and not given an order. He was transferred and is now the Chief Justice of Manipur High Court.

Her case was being heard by bench of Justice Suresh Kait and Manoj Jain and all the arguments had concluded in March-April 2024. only an order was awaited.

Justice Kait is being transferred to Srinagar High Court, meaning that all the arguments for her bail which had concluded, will be done again for the third consecutive time.

Harsh Borah, Fatima's lawyer to The Quint

Back home, Fatima's case also took a toll on Tasneef's and Shakra's interpersonal relationships with others.

Their ties with their many of their relatives and their neighbours soured since Fatima's arrest.

"The locals who visit Tauseef's shop still ask him: "Gul ka kya raha? Kaesi hain wo?" (What happened to Gul? How is she?) Four years have passed, but they still haven’t forgotten her. They say that whatever she did, she did it for us," Tasneef noted.

In their home, Shakra looked on and said, "This one time on a phone call, she told me that all of us have to go to God one day anyway." Tasneef paused and said, “Maybe now we'll only meet her there.”

I followed their gaze and as I stood up to leave and all I could see were Gulfisha's photos on the bed and the birds in that cage.