'Never Lost My Will': Blinded By Pellets, A Kashmiri Girl's Story of Resilience

Blinded by pellets in 2016, Insha Mushtaq recently cleared her 12th standard board exams with flying colours.

Insha Mushtaq at her home in Shopian after she successfully cleared her 12th board exams.

(Photo: Altered by Kamran Akhter/The Quint)

At about 8 pm on the evening of 11 July 2016 – three days after the killing of militant commander Burhan Wani – Insha Mushtaq Lone, then 14, peered out of a window on the ground floor of her house in Sedow village of south Kashmir's Shopian district. 

Fresh protests had broken out in her village that day. 

But as soon as she looked out, she was hit by a round of pellets fired by government forces close to the window facing the street. She screamed and fell down, writhing in pain. Three of her front teeth broke. There was blood all over her face.

Insha Mushtaq on a phone call with her relatives congratulating her on her success in the 12th standard board exams.

(Photo: Umaisar Gull)

When she woke up in the hospital, her eyes were bandaged. She couldn't see anything. The light had gone out of her eyes, she later realised. There was only darkness around – and a burning sensation in her eyes.

Insha's face and her pellet-blinded eyes soon became a symbol of the plight of hundreds of pellet victims in Kashmir. 

But last week, the 22-year-old's home erupted in celebration when she found out that she had cleared her annual 12th standard board exams with flying colours.

In fact, Insha is the first fully blind pellet victim in Kashmir to clear her 9th standard, then 11th standard, and now her intermediate 12th standard with 73 percent marks.

'I Never Lost My Will'

Insha remained in and out of the hospitals for several rounds of treatment and surgeries for most of the summer in 2016. She was taken to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), New Delhi, where she stayed for more than a month for specialised treatment. 

She was also operated on at a Mumbai hospital, where she stayed for a month. Despite undergoing several complicated eye surgeries over the years, the doctors couldn't revive vision in both her eyes.

But Insha was determined that she wouldn't stay back home. She wanted to complete her studies. She was not able to study or read any book for a long time but she said that she never lost her will to overcome the sudden darkness that had descended on her life. She didn't want to give up. She didn't want to be known as just another pellet victim.

Insha gradually began learning the Braille language in 2018 and is now fully trained in Braille learning in two languages – English and Urdu. She prepared for her 10th board exams while she was at home. 

"I was not blind by birth, so learning the Braille language system was not easy for me. But with hard work, I managed to learn it," Insha tells The Quint.

As she did her schooling locally in Shopian prior to the 2016 incident, she resumed her education at the same school months after undergoing treatment. She has completed her 12th standard from the same school.

In 2018, she also pursued a few specialised computer courses.

Insha now aspires to learn the Braille system for the Arabic language, so that she can read and learn the holy Quran, she says.

"There were many instances when I used to feel very bad because of my blindness," she says, adding that she never lost faith in herself.

"I used to motivate myself and think that my lord must have kept something good for me in this condition too," she says. "I didn't want to be discouraged by negative thoughts."

There were also times when she used to think that she would never be able to study again. "But it was also due to the help and support of my parents that I've made it till now," she says. "I am thankful to Almighty Allah."

'We Are Proud of Her'

Surrounded by her happy, emotional parents and relatives, Insha was all smiles when The Quint visited her at her home in Shopian.

Insha's father Mushtaq Ahmad couldn't be more proud of his daughter and what she has achieved despite her debilitating eye and face injuries.

"How can I explain in words how happy I am for her?" he says with a smile as he greets guests and relatives who poured in to congratulate her at their home.

Insha Mushtaq with her mother.

(Photo: Umaisar Gull)

"After she lost her vision in 2016 due to pellets, we ensured that the entire family stood by her side. She was also determined to pursue her studies," he adds.

Having cleared her 12th board exams in the arts discipline, her next goal is to join a college and complete her bachelor's degree. She also wants to go for coaching to prepare for the civil services exam. She says a meeting with a blind female officer in Delhi once motivated her to go for civil services.

"I intend to become an officer and serve people someday," she tells The Quint.

'There Are Many Others Like Me'

Insha says there are many pellet victims like her who cannot see with one or both eyes but want to pursue their dreams – just like her.

"There is an urgent need for educational institutions that will specifically impart education to all visually challenged people who aspire to pursue their educational dreams," she says. "All they need is some support to meet their needs, and they, too, can excel and overcome their darkness."

Insha wants to excel in her studies and make her parents and family proud. She wants other pellet victims like her not to give up and not let the loss of vision prevent them from achieving whatever they want to in life.  

"There is a world that is full of darkness where I live, but that is not deterring me from reaching my goals. If a person has courage and commitment, nothing is impossible and no challenge can become an impediment."

Insha

The Human Cost

The 'non-lethal' pellet shotguns used by the police and Central Reserve Police Force (CRPF) in Kashmir to quell street protests during the 2016 unrest resulted in grievous eye injuries to hundreds of youths.

Mostly young people were targeted with pellet guns, and even children as young as 13 were hit by pellets. The doctors and ophthalmologists treating the pellet victims in hospitals had termed the grievous eye injuries caused by the pellets as an "epidemic of blindness."

Among the injured were some 4,500 pellet-firing victims, according to a report released by a Kashmir-based rights body, Association of Parents of Disappeared Persons, in 2019. More than 352 civilians were partially or completely blinded by pellet-firing shotguns that year, adding to the number of pellet victims from the previous years.  

The report found that the pellet injuries have "completely transformed the victims’ lives and destroyed their futures, rendering people unemployed and impoverished, in a helpless state."

Most of the pellet victims also suffered from depression and anxiety disorders like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The mental health of pellet victims further worsened due to the consecutive lockdowns following the revocation of the special status of Jammu and Kashmir by the ruling BJP government on 5 August 2019, which was closely followed by another lockdown to contain the spread of coronavirus in 2020-21.

Frequent lockdowns and communication shutdowns also meant delayed treatments and hospital visits for the pellet victims.