Patanjali ‘Curing’ Homosexuality: Harish Iyer Reacts to Our Sting

Patanjali clinics claim that they can ‘cure’ homosexuality through yoga... really!

Yoga guru Baba Ramdev. (Photo: Reuters)

I have always loved good yoga. Hence been truly a fan of babaji. The way he flexes his body, the way his face dances in joy after doing pranayam, the way he lights up every morning with his beautiful face is truly magnificent. Needless to say, I have a strong crush on him. The feeling is mutual. He loves me too.

I am writing this from Washington DC. And I just had my first legal gay sex here. Legal, I say, because section 377 only holds true in India. It doesn’t govern Indians beyond the Indian map. I want to thank Baba for the flexibility he blessed me with. My body bends and moves like a serpent, I am most flexible - my partner told me. You know, how orgasmic it must be feeling to be told that on bed.

Watch The Quint’s Undercover Report on Patanjali Clinics Claiming to ‘Cure’ Homosexuality:

You say, Ayurveda cures homosexuality. But I believe your recommendation of ayurveda to improve fertility, your yoga to improve flexibility, your angg pradarshan all does a great deal of good to my body.  It tickles me deep. It pinches my conscience and gives meaning for my existence. After having tulsi in the morning and putting water from one nostril and removing it from the other nostril, I feel more cleaned from within, literally and metamorphically. I almost feel like a dirty muddy shirt that turned super snow white after applying Surf Excel. I feel pure and pious.

A screen-grab from The Quint’s DoQ on Patanjali clinics claiming to ‘cure’ homosexuality 

After practicing sessions that you suggested where I could cleanse my digestive system, I feel so ready for sex with no fear of any embarrassing moments ever. Your prescriptions and recommendations have made me clean, healthy and flexible. And how could I forget, super virile. I never felt so potent ever.  I love you for all this and more. Thank you for opening my eyes to the true effects of ayurveda and yoga. I repeat, I mean no sarcasm when I appreciate yoga.

A screen-grab from The Quint’s DoQ on Patanjali clinics claiming to ‘cure’ homosexuality 

I should also add that I hate all these sting operations and shit by The Quint. They know not your real worth. Pardon them. They have sinned. They just made some people pose as your staff, maybe. I am sure, you will come out of your closet and refute the claims made by The Quint that you had some cure for homosexuality and thought that homosexuality was a mental disorder.

I know all your TV interviews are all forged. I am sure it is your lips but someone else’s voiceover. Because your prescriptions and recommendations just make me so very gay. I am truer to myself, gayer than ever. And as a yogi, you would know that acceptance of sexualities and genders in its varied forms is Indian culture.

PS: I just lied. I have not been laid yet. Babaji, I love you. I just wanted to see your love for me. Now that you are jealous, I know you love me. Mai ganga ke jaise pavitra hu. Make me the tulsi of your aangan. Pretty please.

Charan sparsh,
Har har modi.

Harish Iyer

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals. ‘Rainbow Man’ is Harish’s regular blog for The Quint)