Shaadi Advertisements That’ll Make You… Sigh

Here are some shaadi-based ads that’s sure to get your goat one last time (before you become the goat).

Aargh! The shaadi season is here! (Photo: iStock Photo/The Quint)

The year is almost at an end. But for some, the trouble is just beginning. The wedding season is doing its final pheras around town and hooking up unwitting dandies with witless dames. Seeing that some of you won’t have much to laugh about in a couple of days, here’s a listickle (it’s a list and it tickles...get it?) of shaadi-based ads that are sure to get your goat.

Ravalgaon

‘Ah! Those were the days!’ There’s nothing like a good dose of nostalgia to let you know what you’ll soon be missing. You might be looking forward to the Shaadi Ka Laddoo. But with all of those sweets, mandatory feasts and a reception where you’ll get to see your near and dear ones stuff their faces while you go hungry till midnight, what you’ll actually crave is a ‘Ravalgaon’.

Fevicol Ka Jod Hai!

You know why the bride wears a ghooghat and the groom wears a screen of opaque flowers over his face at the wedding? It’s because brides and grooms don’t have second thoughts (which might curdle into second opinions faster than quick dry cement). Sometimes though, it’s already too late. And when you see a Katrina Kaif in your coupe, you tend to forget that you’re no Salman. Until, of course, Fevicol glues you to your place.

iPhone 6

If you’re married and you’re rocking it as a husband or wife AND you like the iPhone, don’t watch this ad. You’ll stop liking something (or someone) immediately.

But, if you’ve been bitten by the baraat bug and feel all mushy-cushy inside, here’s some candy. Diabetes alert!

Pan Parag

‘The bride and groom are the stars of the wedding.’ ‘They’re the cynosure of all eyes!’ ‘For that one day, they’re the VIPs!’ Dearly to-be-weds, that’s what the baaraatis want you to think. Shammi Kapoor and Ashok Kumar tell you how the guests roll.

BNP Paribas

Keeping up appearances can be difficult. That’s why you need someone with whom you can be you. That’s what getting married is about. In theory.

Now, I had to Google BNP Paribas to figure out that it was a bank, but the ad nails it for me.

Tanishq

Okay, now this Tanishq ad scared me. The mother bribes the daughter. The daughter’s cool with marrying anyone as long as the designs are right (and it’s 911 Hallmark gold). It’s straight out of a mega-soap!

I guess auntyji’s tagline suits the jewellers best: ‘Pachchis saal ho gaye. Par aurat ke bare mein kuch nahin seekha!’ (It’s been 25 years. Yet, you still know nothing about women)

And that’s the end of today’s show. Stay tuned for more gory details in the next installment:

The (wedding) Ritual (Sacrifice)!!!

(Vikram Venkateswaran is a freelance writer, TV producer and media consultant. Headings, titles and captions are his kryptonite. He lives in Madurai and is occasionally struck by the feeling that the city likes him back.)