We Watched The Atrocity That is ‘Street Dancer’, Here’s A Summary

We watched it so you don’t have to.

Shraddha Kapoor and Varun Dhawan from ‘Street Dancer’

(Photo: altered by The Quint)

My job, it takes me places. Yesterday, I found myself sitting in a theatre ready to watch Remo D’Souza’s Street Dancer 3D, starring Varun Dhawan, Shraddha Kapoor and Nora Fatehi. To call it an ordeal would be an understatement, so you know what? I’m going to take this as an opportunity to do good for the world. As public service, I give you the simplified version of the story, because NOBODY deserves to have to pay for that.

1. Varun, who we will call VD, has a brother who hurt himself dancing. Now two years later, he buys a sick-ass studio for him. Varun leads India group, Shraddha leads the Pakistani dance group.

2. About that studio... VD got that money from a bunch of Punjabi boys he got into the country illegally. Our boy is taking a mad riskkkkk.

3. Shraddha(who we will call Kohl-Eyes girl or Kohly) sees illegal immigrants eating at Prabhudeva’s restaurant, who then takes her to see other illegal immigrants living sad lives under a bridge.

4. AND THAT is the story. Varun wants to win this big dance competition for his brother, and Kohly for the illegal immigrants. (DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNN)

5. Our man Varun joins his girlfriend Nora Fatehi’s white-people dance team to win, giving up on his Indian group. Prabhudeva joins Kohly’s group to fight for immigrants because...why not, lol. My frustration:

6.. Meanwhile, the immigrants (Aparshakti and Co.) who VD sneaked in, are starving in London and playing the dhol all alone, crying etc

7. Immigrant Aparshakti runs into VD, who straight up refuses to recognize him. Live footage of him throwing shade:

8. Now the dancing competition has begun, and in a matter of minutes teams have reached the semi-finals, including Kohly’s and VD’s. (DUH)

9. In the finals….VD SWITCHES sides AGAIN, makes immigrant team win, while Nora stands there like WTF, and then proceeds to hit on Kohly who he saved from her conservative Islamic family. Dude has no chill.

10. And finally, immigrant Aparshakti gets to go home. All in all, Shraddha and Varun solved England’s immigration problem by dancing together. And my boos, if that is not love, I don’t know what is. FIN.

PS: WE SURVIVED!