QSatire: BJP MLA Gyandev Ahuja and his Thesis on JNU’s Garbage

Some questions to BJP MLA Gyandev Ahuja on his ridiculous statements about JNU.

Gyandev Ahuja, BJP MLA from Alwar had some pretty ridiculous things to say about JNU. (Photo: The Quint)

It seems Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU)is not just about sedition and anti-national activities. Gyandev Ahuja, BJP MLA from Alwar has uncovered the sordid, the immoral, the debauched, hedonistic face of JNU, by going through the kachra generated at the university everyday!

But Ahuja ji, we have just a few questions about some of the unsourced ‘facts’ you have presented.

1. There are 3000 cans and bottles of beer found in JNU everyday
And Ahuja ji gathered this proof all by himself. Here’s an idea! May be apply for a license to open 3-4 daru ka thekas and cigarette-pan shops inside JNU. The laws of demand and supply will ensure a profit.

2. There are 10,000 cigarette and bidi butts found in JNU everyday
Who’s job is it to collect and count bidi-butts? Seriously, that’s the shittiest job you can have in a university. Give that guy a raise.

3. 50,000 haddis collected per day
Because anti-national = meat eater. Is he trying to say that vegetarians make better nationalists? Forget about Beef, now even eating Tandoori Chicken is anti-antional. Unless those 50,000 bones belong to humans, it’s not a bloody crime.

4. 2000 packets of chips/namkeen
Phew! I was worried, but it turns out that even if your buy your chips and namkeen... shudh veg-snacks from Haldiram… for Ahuja-ji you can still be anti-national!

5. 3000 condoms/day AND 500+ abortions injections
Collecting used condoms, then counting them... I don’t even want to think about it. But I do want to sue Durex, Kamasutra and Moods condoms. Five hundred out of 3000 is a really miserable failure rate.

6. Students nahi, do bachchon ke baap hai yeh
Obviously. If condoms in JNU are of such lousy quality, the scholars and students are bound to have kids.

7. The post 8:00 pm orgy
In the evening, there are cultural programmes in JNU with naked dancing, and drug addled JNU peeps enjoy the show. Ahuja ji… seriously... nanga naach and drugs?

How does one get an invite for that party?