8 Fast and Furious Phases of Navratri We’ve all Gone Through

You know it’s true!

The end of Navratri is here.

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(This article was first published on 14 April 2016 and is being reposted from The Quint’s archives for Navratri.)

I gotta feeling
that tomorrow’s gonna be a good night
that tomorrow’s gonna be a good night
that tomorrow’s gonna be a good, good night...

Sorry Black Eyed Peas for altering your lyrics a bit, but that’s what most of the nine-day converted vegetarians would feel once the Navratri season gets over.

For all those temporary vegetarians, let’s introduce you to the eight fast and furious phases of Navratri that we’ve all gone through (and didn’t realise). Tch tch!

Phase 1: Time to Detox

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A day before Navratri begins, everyone anxiously awaits the holy nine days of detox. Yeah! That’s what they’re called nowadays. People prepare themselves to temporarily embrace the shudh shakahari lifestyle.

Phase 2: Yes, You Can

You become a part of the elite Navratri gang which has picky eating habits. In short, you’re an eating snob that can easily annoy a non-navratri fasting type. But you don’t care, ’cuz it’s your pure and pious ticket to nine days of glory.

Phase 3: Reject Social Interaction

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You prefer to cuddle with your sabudaana ki khichdi at home rather than watch your friends get drunk on a typical Saturday night. But hey, once the nine days are over, it’s back to chaar bottle vodka!

Phase 4: It’s All About Alloos

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Alloo me to explain it to you. During the holy week, your meal begins with alloo ki tikki and ends with alloo tamatar ki sabzi and kuttu ki puri.

Phase 5: Withdrawal Symptoms

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Congratulations! You’ve successfully reached the halfway-mark of the festival where your parched lips demand some amrit ras (alcohol) and prashad (meat) but you still have a few days to go.

Phase 6: The Hulk

The meat craving is just getting too much. Your friend’s offer of taking a bite off that Lucknowi mutton biryani is angering you to no end. And by now, alloo has become your mortal enemy that needs to be destroyed.

Phase 7: Question Yourself

Once you are doped up on alloo, you tend to alloocinate and question your beliefs. You wonder if the Goddess is happy to watch her children suffer. You also begin to wonder what good will possibly come out of omitting animals from your menu, and that too for just nine days?

Phase 8: You Did It!

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With just a day to go, you get back to making plans for the much-awaited ‘day’. The day you’ve been secretly ‘praying’ for the last nine days.

Disclaimer: Making an alcohol and tandoori chicken deprived man wait could be injurious to your bar’s financial health.