Famous Bollywood Director Desi D Hunts for the ‘Ideal’ Heroine

Famous Bollywood director Desi D hunts for the ‘ideal’ heroine for her next 100 crore venture.

The ‘ideal’ heroine in Bollywood must be many things — none of which involve acting. Find out what desi directors and casting agents are truly looking for, in this satirical video:

(Photo: Harsh Sahani/The Quint)

Camera: Abhishek Ranjan
Editor: Puneet Bhatia
Co-Actor: Badsha Ray

The ‘ideal’ heroine in Bollywood must be many things — none of which involve acting. Find out what desi directors and casting agents are truly looking for, in this satirical video:

1. Heroine Should Always Look Like A Sex Bomb

Never mind whether the role is of a cancer patient, or a laash, the heroine must always have a figure of 36-24-36. So now you know when a director is asking for your body of work, he means something completely different.

2. She Should Not Be Looking for a Meaningful Role

She should give up all hopes of landing a meaningful role, at least in the beginning of her acting journey. Because the only meaty role she will be offered will most likely be a double chicken Frankie.

3. She Should Adhere to the Strict Age Limit While Trying For Auditions

If she is 25, she should not waste the casting agent and director’s time by auditioning for the main lead.

Because for that role, she should strictly between 18 and 18-and-a-half years of age.

4. She Should Not Ask For Too Much Pay

She should gratefully accept the pennies being offered to her and she will have a full go ahead to tweet positive messages about the gender age gap. After all, women empowerment tweets are positive PR!

5. She Should Not Have a Problem with Nepotism

And for those who think nepotism is unfair, darlings, only the heroine is fair in Bollywood. Nothing else.

6. She Should Not Complain About Harassment

The last and the most important requirement: she should not complain about harassment. Whether it is from the co-actor, director, choreographer.. or from anyone.

For those who won’t feel comfortable keeping quiet, remember that female actors are like Salman Khan’s court dates. One goes, and the other comes. So wisely choose your battles!

(This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to any person living or dead, is purely coincidental)

P.S: This is Episode 3 of Desi D, a video series about the desi way of living, told the desi way! You can follow me a.k.a Desi D at Facebook/DivyaniRattanpal)