My Baby Brother Was Told He Had to Protect His Eldest Didi

Happy Raksha Bandhan. 

(Photo: The Quint/Shruti Mathur)

Being the eldest among all cousins, I have seen my baby cousin brothers grow up in front of me. They fondly call me ‘Jasmeen didi’. One of my cousins was born when I was eight, almost around the time when I started asking:

What does Rakhi mean?

My aunt had promptly replied saying, 'When you tie a rakhi on your brother, he promises to protect you.'

I distinctly remember looking at my new born baby cousin. He lay asleep, wearing the blue satin ribbon rakhi I had made for him as part of a school project.

But, he is a baby. How will he protect me?

When he grows up, he will protect you.

I didn’t ask further, but remembered that the logic made little sense to me. How or why would a baby brother one day become my protector? Why would I need him to protect me? What would I need protection from? How would he get stronger than me, if I am the elder one?

My cousins and I have been celebrating Raksha Bandhan for many years now. We love that there is a day in the year to celebrate and affirm our relationship. But, what significance does it hold today?

What or Who Are We ‘Promised’ to be Protected From?

Visualize the given - women walking amidst a sea of men ( also rakhi bearing brothers), fathers, sons, husbands, each of whom have warned their sister or daughter to be careful around another man ( possibly another woman’s brother, father, son or husband? ) .  Men warning and protecting ‘their women’ against men, who have further warned ‘their women’ too. This kind of protectionism deepens the problem, and perpetuates violence against women.

Men for far too long, have been perceived in the binary of either the protector or the brother, or the one who harms or needs to be protected from. But the fact of the matter is that women don’t need ‘protection’ and neither do they need any ‘saving’.

Women are stepping into their Akeli Awaara Azaad selves, negotiating freedom everyday. The time for protection of the patriarchal kind, is up. The time for warnings on mobility, dress, body, identity, is also up.

The Akeli Awaara Azaad woman has taught herself to be on her own, unapologetically. She steps in to celebrate Raksha Bandhan with renewed vows affirming the relationship beyond a patriarchal construct.

She asks for the brother and sister to be co nurturers, to build capacity to love and protect each other mutually, and equally. She steps in to celebrate Rakshabandhan with renewed vows and significance.

Rakhi: To Love And Protect Each Other.

To Co-nurture

Not Control.

Towards Celebrating Rakhi

Free From Patriarchy.

A Gift To You,

My Akeli Awaara Azaad Ka Bhai.

(Jasmeen Patheja is the founder and facilitator of Blank Noise that has created the #AkeliAwaaraAzaad campaign. This Raksha Bandhan, Blank Noise has launched Akeli Awaara Azaad Ka Bhai rakhis, to renew Raksha Bandhan vows.
This is a blog piece. The views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them )