Beware of Paps: A Letter of Caution From Taimur to Baby Virushka

From one traumatized star kid to a new one - expect the worse.

(Photo: The Quint/Erum Gour)

Dear Baby Virushka,

Before welcoming you to the club, I just want to go on record and say that I’m not ecstatic about calling you ‘Baby Virushka’, because, well, that’s also a coinage of our media (the very people I’ll be cautioning you about now). I’m certain your parents will do a better job of naming you, but for convenience’s sake, let’s go ahead with it for just this time.

I remember the day your arrival into this world was announced. Of course, the internet was immediately flooded with memes.

Sorry to steal your thunder, but a lot of memes that day were, for some reason, about me — about how I’d hate the shared attention. But guess what? I feel nothing but relief.

At the risk of sounding boastful, I am more than happy to share all this attention with you. It might just be what I've been waiting for.

I’ll be honest with you, Baby Virushka. It was a fun start, for sure. When I came into this world, I was all the rage, even though I didn't quite know it then. Everywhere I went, people would call out to me lovingly, they would try to grab my attention, they would click pictures of me doing absolutely nothing... Who doesn't love attention?

I was basically Kim Kardashian before I even knew who she was — famous for being famous.

But, at some point, as I grew older, things started to get a little out of hand...

Why don't I show you?

Bollywood is quite infamous for sexualising artists of all ages but just look at this headline:

Photo: YouTube

How is it okay to sexualise me, a four-year-old boy? Why specify that I am 'shirtless'?

Take a look at another headline:

I won’t lie, my first thought after reading this was — Pradyuman Uncle, is that you? For your own sake, I won’t attach a picture of how creepy the doll was.

Now, in a world where 'black magic' is discussed so seriously on prime time television, I guess one can't expect much from the media. But every day, when I wake up to a new headline about me, I am surprised even more by how low they can stoop.

Also, I see all of this merch coming out in my name but no royalty in sight. That’s just unfair!

The 'workout' headline is giving me body image issues already!

Also, just look at this political headline with my name in it. I have no words... really. Did they forget I was 4?

While things are really really bad for me, in no way am I the only victim. Look at how they write about Shahid uncle and Mira aunty's daughter, Misha:

Photo: Twitter (@SaritaTanwar)

No star kid is an exception. AbRam, Inaaya, and the rest have all had their share of trouble and really, there’s no escaping this. Every baby’s first words are either ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada’, but I’m pretty sure mine were ‘Please, no camera’. Don’t believe me? See how I try to tell the paps to stop clicking pictures, but they even find that adorable! I have officially given up. What else can I do?

Despite all this, they have the audacity to say I love them! I think I now know what toxic means.

With the number of headlines I am making on a daily basis, one would assume I’d be getting some compensation from these publications, but no!

I mean, it’s not all bad. The memes online are pretty funny because they’re almost always trolling the paps. Sometimes, the paps are even called out by people like your parents who are just done with this level of interference.

I think I finally I understand why my dad or even Ranbir uncle avoid using social media. Sure, they get questioned about it all the time but nothing is worth this nonsense!

I have been called so many things, right from ‘lady killer’ to ‘snowball’ and ‘marshmallow’, these names only get more and more bizarre with time.

I’m confident your case will be no different. But if you ever need help, I’ll always be there for you. Just reach out to the paps, I’m sure they’ll know where to find me.

Now, I’m going to go enjoy my final moments of fame (or so I hope).

With love,
Taimur.