21 Honest Thoughts That Sum Up Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking’

A total cringe-fest I would recommend 10/10.

'Indian Matchmaking' is streaming on Netflix India.

(Photo Courtesy: The Quint)

Remember when Netflix tried to give us an Indian dating show, What The Love! With Karan Johar, and it tanked? Well, they're back with a brand new reality show that's as desi as it gets - Indian Matchmaking. Or as I like to call it, "mummy-papa keh rahe hai shaadi karlo."

Indian Matchmaking basically follows a bunch of (seemingly) upper caste, rich Indians and Indian-Americans trying to find someone to marry. The entire matchmaking process, that is insufferable at times, revolves around Sima Taparia, AKA Sima mami, who is a physical, more intimate manifestation of a matrimony website.

This eight-episode-long series is a total cringe-fest, quite funny (if you don't take it too seriously) and, honestly, pretty real in some sense. I'd totally recommend it.

1. So Netflix really made an entire show about that *one* annoying Indian aunty (here: Sima mami) who's judgemental AF, can't get her nose out of everybody's children's business and won't get off her high horse.

2. Drinking game idea: take a shot every time Sima aunty says one of her clients should be "flexible" or "adjusting" and you might just run out of all the alcohol in your house (don't do it, we're still in lockdown, remember?)

3. This Sima mami won't stop talking about how the ideal person should be "fair" and "tall" - I'm still surprised that in 2020 people are so confident saying this stuff on TV. Naturally, caste has also been mentioned.

4. This show is so boomer that when you reject even one (1) rishta because of your own standards, the adults in the house send you to a 'Life Coach' because obviously something is wrong with YOU.

5. So this girl Nadia gets stood up on a date and you know what she does?? Calls up Sima mami to complain.. Wow, I wish I could do that every time someone ghosted me. Nadia, relax. Hota hai kabhi kabhi.

6. Ya'll, to be honest, I would DIE for Nadia. She's so pure. She deserves the world and not judgemental men who write her off for ordering a mimosa on a date.

7. Look, I also regularly look up astrological predictions for giggles but these thirty-somethings succumbing to a jyotish after a couple of dates-gone-wrong is just embarrassing to watch.

8. Hate on lawyer Aparna all you want but I truly admire her confidence. The woman has 200% clarity and is painfully open about it - LOVE THAT FOR HER.

9. Fancy cocktails, hookah sesh with his sister, a walk-in closet the size of a house in Mumbai.. Pradhyuman ka flex toh dekho.

10. Listen, Sima mami is mad dedicated okay. No matter where you are, she's going to personally visit you, take your interview, note down your preferences, show you "biodata" like its a marketplace for eligible Indians and then follow up. This is the Tinder Premium we need but do not deserve.

11. I can't believe these people have actual rishta CVs?! Just look at this:

Guess what, Rashi, even I love to laugh. And so does the REST OF THE WORLD.

12. At one point, lawyer Aparna's mom says - "Those who have daughters have good karma." Hmmmm, ma'am have you met Sonam Kapoor?

13. Sima mami just said "astrology" was like an "insurance" for a "successful marriage" and I'M SCREAMING. What is that supposed to mean? HMU if you can explain.

14. Yaar, these checklists that people have for their ideal life partner are longer than the grocery list I take with me when I step out once a month to stock up during lockdown.

15. Sima mami really said "It will be difficult to find someone who is well-educated, successful, and someone who satisfies both mother and daughter."

I...have no words.

16. I am very fascinated by Sima mami because she clearly thinks that "matchmaking" is a skill that requires "hard work" (which I'm not denying) but at the same time she keeps saying that she's "God's mediator" and also chants for her clients.

17. Pradhyuman has been rejecting women just by looking at their photos for so long but suddenly when he gets the photo of a woman who has a career in modelling, he's suddenly SO ENTHU. Typical.

18. This typical 'mamma's boy' Akshay just said "My mom is literally what I want to be looking at in a wife" - guys, this is the world Freud imagined for all of us. Man must be smiling in his grave right now.

19. Also, Akshay's mother saying how she's late in planning for her son's marriage (he's 25) and how the thought of it makes her "panicky" is just...too much. I'm confused now ki shaadi kiski hai?

20. There's a second a matchmaker in the show and she's making my blood boil by saying things like "marriage is not equal" and "women have to be more emotionally giving."

21. Jokes aside - I just want to acknowledge how casteist, classist, sexist and overall problematic Indian Matchmaking is. Sima mami was the comic relief that got me through it but she's not my hero, Ankita is.

PS. Kudos to the show for addressing the Guyanese-Indian identity issue.