Warning: Don’t Waste 2 Hrs of Your Life Watching ‘Marjaavaan’

Do yourself a favour, skip ‘Marjaavaan’ this weekend

Sidharth Malhotra and Tara Sutaria’s Marjaavaan is not worth your time.

(Photo: Altered by The Quint)

So, I just spent 2 hours and 14 minutes of my very precious life watching Marjaavaan. Now I can’t help but think of all the things that I could have done in these 134 minutes. Like, re-watch two episodes of Game of Thrones, meet those friends I haven’t seen in ages or just get some extra sleep, who doesn’t like that?

But no, I had to wake up earlier than usual and watch the first day first show of this masterpiece - perils of being an entertainment journalist. Thankfully, I came out of the theatre alive to tell my tale, you may not. So do yourself a favour and don’t watch Marjaavaan this weekend, nahi toh aap sach mein marr sakte hai.

10 minutes into the film and I was like...(Courtesy: Giphy)

It’s 2019. Audience is smarter than ever. But, some filmmakers still have the guts to make a film like this one.
Let’s understand what it takes for a film to be successful and invite audience? Great story? Brilliant acting? Good music, maybe? Well choreographed action sequences if it’s an action film? Well, that’s pretty much everything that is wrong with Marjaavaan.

Plot Ke Bina Movie Ban Sakti Hai, ‘Marjaavaan’ Is Proof

An orphan (Raghu) adopted by the Don (Anna) who trusts and believes in him (Raghu) more than his own son who has dwarfism (Vishnu). Vishnu who is deprived of love from his father and is insecure wants to ruin Raghu’s life.

- Predictable
- Cliche
- Mundane

As the story unfolded I felt like I have seen this film before a million times. Characters are forced into the story just to create situations so that the story moves ahead. Kuch bhi ho raha hai zabardasti. Like the old Muslim woman who tries to bury her son but couldn’t and then comes Raghu to her rescue because heroine ko koi toh reason chahiye to fall for the hero.

(Courtesy: Giphy)

Marjaavaan Dialogues: Throwback To 1980s

Bhaiyi iss film mein dialogues itne rhyming hai ki lag raha tha sab ek sath jodo toh rap ban jayega. Like who rhymes ‘kanpatti’’with ‘ganpati’ while threatening the villain in a serious scene? Even the mute girl in the film has rhyming dialogues in sign language. Matlab ye toh heights hai

Every punch line felt like a punch on my face.

(Courtesy: Giphy)

Acting? What’s That?

Acting? Woh kya hota hai? That’s what you get in this film. Tara Sutaria acting karne ke liye nahi cast ki gayi thi. Her brief was to look good, which she followed to the T. Sidharth Malhotra’s brief was, just watch some 80’s film and just be OTT and leather jackets pehna mat bhulna. Riteish, my question is why do you even sign such films?

Sorry, but even this parrot’s acting skills are better.

(Courtesy: Giphy)

Action Ho, Toh ‘Marjaavaan’ Jaisa Na Ho

If you think Rohit Shetty’s films have over the top, slow motion action sequences then clearly you have not seen Marjaavaan.

(Courtesy: YouTube)

I mean really, what’s this? (refer to above GIF)

(Courtesy: Giphy)

The action sequence brought back the 80’s once again but not in a good way. No, he didn’t remind me of Amitabh Bachchan but surely of Shaktimaan. Hero vs twenty villains, slow motion shots, sounds of breaking bones. Nothing that we have not seen before.

Where Script Doesn’t Work, Songs Work

One song that’s half-decent has been used over and over again because why not? After all that’s the one and ONLY thing where it looks like someone tried to do their job right, toh kya hua if it’s the singer and composer. But an overdose of anything is not good and the makers should have known that - but then should we be expecting anything out of the makers at all?

(Courtesy: Giphy)

But I have to credit the makers for choosing just the apt film title ‘Marjaavaan ‘ because if you dare to watch this film, aapka marna toh guaranteed hai.