10 Honest Thoughts I Had While Watching Akshay Kumar's 'Ram Setu'

I was so busy cringing that I had no time to be offended by the sheer and unnecessary propaganda in 'Ram Setu'.

Honest Review: Akshay Kumar & Jacqueline Fernandez-starrer Ram Setu.

(Photo Courtesy: Twitter; Altered by The Quint)

(This review contains spoilers about the film)

Abhishek Sharma's Ram Setu starring Akshay Kumar, Jacqueline Fernandez and Satya Dev, among others, revolves around a scientist-archaeologist, Dr. Aryan who is tasked with proving that unlike popular belief, the Ram Setu is not a man-made or divine structure. The film follows the subsequent archaeological expedition, challenging Dr. Aryan's staunch atheism along the way, while also challenging my ability to cringe till it hurts. Here are my honest thoughts about the film.

1. The film begins with an information overload. Dr. Aryan and archeologists from Pakistan, Japan, and other countries join hands to revive Afghanistan's Buddhist temple which was bombed by the Talibans. Within the first ten minutes, they not only find the bust of Buddha's statue but also unearth a chest brimming with jewels. If major excavations could be made by merely touching a scalpel to the ground, every Tom, Dick and Harry would be an archaeologist.

2. In no time, truckloads of Talibans arrive in symmetrical rows to attack the cohort of scientists. I'm sure there are bigger things radical militants care about than synchronized driving. This follows an intense scene of the group trying to escape the line of fire. With no logic in sight, Dr. Aryan and his Pakistani counterpart not only survive every bomb explosion but also chance upon a humongous, underground statue of the Reclining Buddha. Trust Akshay Kumar to play an archeologist and have timeless discoveries just reveal themselves!

(Photo Courtesy: Giphy)

3. Ah, nothing spells an Akshay Kumar film more than the glaring age gap between him and his female co-stars. In Ram Setu, Nushrratt Bharuccha - who is 18 years younger than Kumar, plays his wife, Gayatri. Her hobbies include arguing against Aryan's atheism and ensuring their son doesn't turn out like him by making him read mythological books. Even though her being a Professor of Literature doesn't hold any weightage in the film, the creators won't let you forget that she's one. How, you ask? By making Aryan refer to her as "Professor" every time he can.

4. Aryan gets recruited by Indrakant, an influential businessman who tasks him to gather scientific evidence of the Ram Setu being a product of nature. This is when he reaches the base camp, where he meets experts from various corners of the world, including Dr. Sandra (played by Jacqueline Fernandez). I don't know if the bar is really that low but I was impressed to see them cast a Brazilian actor (Jeniffer Piccinato) as the Brazilian expert, Dr. Gabrielle.

5. Akshay Kumar's special submarine-suit is airlifted into the base camp. The moment he dons the suit, it gets tougher for me to take this film seriously. Imagine Buzz Lightyear's space suit but without the wings. Now imagine a long-haired, disheveled, fifty-five year old Akshay Kumar in it. Yep, you get the gist.

(Photo Courtesy: Giphy)

6. Tensions arise in the base camp as Bali, Indrakant's right-hand-man strictly instructs Dr Aryan to stay away from Sri Lankan waters due to the nation's ongoing civil war. To no one's surprise, Kumar's character, too driven by passion, tries to swim towards Lankan waters to acquire one of the floating rocks. Bali pulls the main switch and withdraws Aryan's suit but lo and behold, he manages to free himself from the submarine-suit, swim back in, grab the rock and emerge out of the water effortlessly. I have one question; one that I know I am too silly to even ask: HOW??

7. I'm sure the creators didn't intend for this, but arguably the funniest dialogue in the entire film is a solemn Dr. Aryan - amidst conflict with Bali - trying to emphasize the importance of history by saying, "Itihaas ka matlab samajhte ho? It. Thus. Happened." Did he just...condense a generic English phrase into a Sanskrit word and try to sell it off as an acronym? Well, in an Akshay Kumar film, Anything. Can. Happen.

8. The expedition goes haywire when Bali, instructed by Indrakant, tries to kill Dr. Aryan, Dr. Sandra and Dr. Gabrielle. The trio escape into Sri Lankan waters and are rescued by a tour guide, who calls himself AP (played by Satya Dev) and is the nerve point of the biggest twists of the film. I'd tell you what it is but there are some things one must experience in their life. And watching this plot twist unfold is one of them. They may have intended for this scene to be the most rousing one, but I couldn't stop laughing.

9. Did Akshay Kumar just call the Ram Setu a symbol of protection for women? Ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary folks, I present to thee: Dr. Aryan - the greatest scientist/archaeologist/lawyer/divine incarnate and now, feminist superhero.

10. Since the film began, Dr. Aryan was vociferously against religious fanaticism and did deliver few profound arguments, revolving around the science versus religion debate. By the end of the film, he not only converted to a theist but somehow assumed the role of Lord Ram's lawyer. I would have been offended by the sheer and unnecessary propaganda, but the film is so ridiculous that I was oscillating between cringing and cracking up.