On International Men’s Day, Stop Saying ‘Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota’

Perhaps men are tired of trying to live up to the “mard ko dard nahi hota” and “be a man, grow a pair” stereotypes.

19 November is celebrated as International Men’s Day.

(Photo: iStock/Image altered by The Quint)

I’m at the Central Mall waiting in the queue for my billing. The lady at the counter tells the man ahead of me, “On a purchase of Rs 3,000 and above, you get a special 20% off.” The guy smiles and asks, “Why, what’s so special about me?” To which the lady replies dispassionately, “Sir, the discount is for all men. We are commemorating International Men’s Day.” Instead of being happy, the guy shrugs his shoulders and mumbles, “Never knew we had such a day.”

Every year on 8 March, the globally hurrah-ed International Women’s Day, a section of men tweet their hearts out about the lack of a special day dedicated to them. Why, they wonder, why not us? Not fair. Don’t we deserve recognition? Ironically, a majority of tweets by men on International Women’s Day are about International Men’s Day.

For all disgruntled testosterone-loaded twitter handles, there is good news. Hooray – this Monday, 19 November, will be celebrated as International Men’s Day in more than 60 countries.

Isn’t Every Day International Men’s Day?

So, what do we commemorate this day? Gender parity, equal participation or the end of discrimination? Not convincing, right?

After all, in reality, yesterday was International Men’s Day. Today is International Men’s Day. And tomorrow will be International Men’s Day. Truth is, men are paid more than women, have an upper hand in most areas of work, can walk fearlessly on the roads in the middle of the night and there’s no scope to talk about discrimination.

It reminds me of something someone once said – tongue partly in cheek, “Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and still think they are sexy”.

Given that a section of men get the hives on Women’s Day, I decided to ask them how they wanted to celebrate their special day. The first reaction I encountered was disbelief. “Oh c’mon, stop winging it, there is no such day.” When I insisted, swearing on the free spa voucher I had received this Women’s Day, there was silence. Instead of happily jumping up and down, men were not sure how they wanted to celebrate their special day.

One cousin blurted out, “For one day I want to be away from women. No woman, no cry.” Ah, the usual ‘blame the woman for the pitfalls of men’. How convenient.

Unconvinced, I called my brother – “How would you like to celebrate International Men’s Day?”

“Err, umm…I just want to sleep. Watch Netflix and be served breakfast in bed.”

What does this tell us? That men are lazy whiners? Yes.

I mean, no. NO. What it tells us is, that all men want is a little appreciation, some recognition and lots of relaxation. Perhaps, men are exhausted – exhausted of trying to live up to the “mard ko dard nahi hota” and “be a man, grow a pair” stereotypes.

How It Started

If we rewind the reel, IMD has existed since the early 1960’s, but due to a lack of interest, it didn’t really take off. Not surprising. How do you celebrate Men’s Day in a Man’s World?

On 19 November 1999, the first International Men’s Day kicked off in Trinidad and Tobago with the blessings of the United Nations. The event was coordinated by Jerome Teelucksingh from the University of West Indies.

His rationale was that, while married men with children had a ‘Father’s Day’, there was no day that celebrated teenagers and men who were not fathers. The good soul that Teelucksingh was, he felt that men needed to celebrate positive role models – so he chose 19 November because it happened to be his father’s birthday.

To judge International Men’s Day with the same yardstick as International Women’s Day would be to miss an occasion that commemorates faithful men who have supported and stood behind the women in their lives with all their heart and soul.

All said, the best way to celebrate International Men’s Day would be to tell the men who stood by you, how much you love and cherish them. Also, this International Men’s Day, we promise not to joke about the fact that 19 November also happens to be World Toilet Day.

Err, don’t throw that pillow. Promise!

Happy IMD guys! Be good.

(Alka Gurha is a published author, award winning blogger and web contributor. She contributes for various websites like The Hoot, The Huffpost and many many more. The views expressed above are the author’s own. The Quint neither endorses nor is responsible for them.)