Beyond the Pain & Exhaustion: Here’s How to Have a ‘Good Divorce’
Spare yourself the pain of a long, contested divorce – this is the smartest way to sever the knot.
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When we speak about divorce, chances are a series of stock images flash before our eyes: courtroom, judge, witness box, children crying, men and women fighting – and fighting – and then some more fighting.
Divorce by nature is divisive, so expecting a ‘fun’ time cannot be what defines our narratives. But when marriages break, we do have the power to envisage a better end and chart the path we want.
Divorce by mutual consent is perhaps the path of least acrimony in a divorce. Section 13-B of the Hindu Marriage Act explains this provision in detail. 1[13B. Divorce by mutual consent. (1) Subject to the provisions of this Act:
The essence of which is, filing for divorce amicably without resorting to prolonged litigation. This makes divorce simpler and less expensive both in terms of time and money.
Also? A divorce by mutual consent takes only 6 months after filing the petition for a divorce.
How Courtrooms Can Come in the Way of an Amicable Divorce
Litigation in India is cumbersome and the systemic delay makes it all the more so. The courts are overburdened and the backlog of cases is remarkably high.
A divorce case, if it is contested, can sometimes take as long as a decade, and I speak from personal experience because my divorce took a decade to come through. If you want to know the value of those 10 years, then picture them through the eyes of a child. Imagine your son/daughter coming to court with you as a minor at 12; by the time he/she turns 22, divorce proceedings are still ongoing.
Even good lawyers are expensive (although they prove to be cheaper in the long run) – so the longer the litigation, the longer are your bills.
The courts have a wonderfully frustrating habit of making justice and redemption seem like within one’s grasp... till the next court date. And then another date and then another. On an average you get one court date in about 3 to 4 months in the overcrowded Family Courts in most metros. It is like a mirage in the desert or a rolling target which keeps moving further and further away the more you chase after it.
The Emotionally Exhausting Process of a Contested Divorce
Most importantly, a divorce by mutual consent is emotionally less draining
Because however we may want to play it, it is after all the end of a relationship and there have been emotions on both sides. You can divide the assets but not the emotions.
The psychological trauma of a contested divorce can be huge. Several aspects of your traumatic marriage will keep replaying themselves in court through the various petitions you have filed yourself. These become a constant source of wear and tear on your psyche – particularly when you have to come up for cross-questioning, as then, every statement you ever made is put under the scanner.
Will the system change? I want to be a cynic and say no. But I do hold out hope that someday in the near future, things will take turns for the better in our courtrooms.
Till that time, it would be easier to realign our expectations from a divorce – moving away from a contested divorce to a divorce by mutual consent.
It might be hard to do, but life awaits.
Till next time, happy coupling and uncoupling,
...Your D-Bombshell Specialist.
(Vandana is a lawyer by education, an author by passion and a sports buff by reflex. You can read more about her on her website www.vandanashah.com)
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