The Life Behind a Gay ‘Matrimonial’ Advert

A Mysuru man put out a gay ‘matrimonial’ advert & talks of how gay dating in India is difficult and dangerous.

A gay man in Mysuru has created a ‘matrimonial’ advert for himself to seek a dating partner. (Photo: Altered by The Quint)

To date ‘somebody’ and to date a ‘same-sex buddy’ may not sound too different in spoken words but in reality, they belong to different worlds altogether.

A gay man in Mysuru created a ‘matrimonial’ advert for himself on a portal seeking a dating partner. While six people wrote to him showing interest in being prospective partners, double the number of journalists got after his profile to write a story on this ‘unique’ proposal!

Srikant Rao’s dating profile seeks ideologically like-minded souls. (Photo Courtesy: Screen Grab of Srikant’s Profile)

A telephonic conversation with Srikant Rao, the man behind the ‘rare’ matrimonial aka dating advert, begins with this irony.

To seek a partner and like-minded soul is a completely private thing. In an ideal world, media should have no business to try and chase me on this, but me and you are speaking today because we live in a country where this is not allowed. It’s still not accepted by society and it’s still not viewed as something normal. So yes there is a novelty in it for many.

Srikant Rao, a resident of Mysuru.

43 years old, Srikant Rao, a medical transcriptionist by profession, was born and brought up in a multicultural family. His parents came from different castes and backgrounds and parented him in a liberal environment. When he decided to come out to the world as gay, it was this strength from his family that helped him the most.

Me and my father had just one conversation on this and he asked me – ‘do you realise the consequences of this?’ He gave me his views on it, the worst-case scenario and all that, and left it on me. And when I asked him what do you think about gay people, he said ‘you are my son and I love you and that is all you need to know’. 

43 years old, Srikant Rao is a medical transcriptionist by profession. (Photo Courtesy: Srikant Rao)

Speaking to Srikant, one realises that in a country that criminalises homosexuality, something as basic as finding the right partner can be a lifelong task.

I have had my profile on different dating websites for almost seven years, I met many people but never found suitable people. We have to be very, very careful. A lot of harassment and blackmailing happens through gay dating websites.

Srikant narrates how credible matrimonial and dating websites in India bar the LGBT community from availing their services, leaving them with no choices.

Like in any other relationship, you want to find people who know your language, who have similar eating habits, who know your culture and country, and for this you can’t go to foreign websites. In India gay dating is all undercover and that makes it very, very difficult and dangerous.

The LGBT community is aggressively seeking legislative support to decriminalise homosexuality in India. (Photo: Altered by The Quint)

Srikant believes that things will change gradually and the generations coming ahead are going to be more open-minded.

I feel, if it has to be accepted, it has to be talked about. The social and legal aspect of recognising LGBT community has to work hand-in-hand. So I feel that this whole tamasha around section 377 is actually benefitting. People are talking about it. They are reading about it. They have to explain it to their kids.

Srikant Rao has always been supported by his family to come out as gay. (Photo Courtesy: Srikan Rao)

The internet is full of counseling and dating advice for the gay community. From ‘ten weird things about dating a gay person’ to ‘five dilemmas faced by gay couples’, but much of it often stereotyping. So how different it is for a homosexual or somebody from the LGBT community to find a partner?

Gay sex is different from heterosexual sex. Between a man and a woman it is automatically assumed that this is how sex is going to be. But in a gay relationship you have to work out how its going to work. So in many ways it is indeed different.

Harish Iyer’s matrimonial ad which was rejected by almost every national newspaper (Photo: Altered by The Quint)

In 2015, gay activist Harish Iyer’s mother posted a matrimonial advertisement for her son looking for grooms that went viral on social media. Following the first such matrimonial ad, Harish had received more than 70 proposals within a day from different parts of the world.

Srikant may not be expecting the same response but he does want to find a partner who is like-minded and can help him face a world that has made simple things difficult for a section of society.