(Trigger Warning: Some questions could make you feel agitated. Reader discretion is advised.)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any queries regarding sex, sexuality, or your relationship, and need some advice, answers, or just someone to hear you out – write to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to sexolve@thequint.com.

This week’s Q&As are below:

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 28 year old transman with a fulfilling real relationship with another man for more than 5 years now. We have had the most fulfilling sex, have gone through the process of gender affirmation surgery of mine and also various ups and downs in life. He always supported me in my journey throughout and was always by my side. We used to have sex quite often when I was in a state before transition, now I feel he is different. Sex has faded, attraction also has I think. I can't help but imagine that this is happening due to my transitioning, but he was very supportive of me throughout… so why wouldnt he support me now? I feel terrible. I think I have got the body I want but I have lost the love that I always had. I don't know what to do and how to convince him of my love for him or what I could do sexually to revive his interest in me. Please help.

Lover, India

Dear Lover,

Thank you for writing to me and trusting me with your deep secrets.

At the outset, congratulations on the alignment of your mind and body though the gender affirmation surgery.

Isn't it the soul purpose of life - to be true and authentic to what we are - in mind, in body and in soul

I am also happy to read that you had a loved one who stood with you through the entire transitioning journey. Love is beautiful and also rare to find for everybody.

You have found the love that stood the test of time. But love, like life, is transient. It is not perfect. Love needs nurturing and a good discussion is a good manure for the heart.

Speak to your lover. Tell him what you are feeling. Tell him your deepest fears and your apprehensions. Tell him your expectations. Also listen to him. Encourage him to speak.

Ask him what he expects of love and sex and everything in between. Have an open heart to heart conversation with him.

You shouldnt have to please your lover to get him to love you. We should have the space in our hearts big enough to give love off to the ones we love wholeheartedly.

Please have the conversation quickly. Also dont hesitate taking the help of a mental health professional if either of you feel dejected or overtly elated after the conversation.

Hugs

RainbowMan

P.S. love listens, and love grows by listening and accepting

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a woman in a relationship with my husband for the past 28 years. I have always been in love with him and I always have done all my duties as a wife. I have been known as Mrs Sharma all the time. I did not have any other identity and I now discover that my husband is having an affair. For gods sake I have a 18-year-old child who has now also witnessed her father with another woman. I am thinking of leaving him. We have had no fight or anything, but I just want him to be happy. If he loves someone he should stay with her.

Mrs Sharma

Dear Ms (Enter YourName)

Thank you for writing to me.

You are not Mrs Sharma to me. While it is a matter of choice, one may argue.

I think that no woman should have the only identity of being a wife of a mother. Her desires matter. Her thoughts matter. Her needs matter.

Please give yourself time and space to stand up for yourself and for your idea of yourself.

Your child will learn to stand understand their father. You should only and only be bothered about what you think of yourself.

You are no sacrificial lamb, and no life sacrificed can do any good either.

Find your time and find your space. Leave your partner if you may. 28 years or 28 minutes, it doesn't matter.

Wish you good luck,

RainbowMan.

P.S. love the person in your mirror.

Dear RainbowMan,

I have several foul smelling dried sperm inside the penis when I pull it down. Can you help me with a solution. I have a problem when someone gives me a bl*w job they complain.

Embarrassed Man

Dear Man,

Thank you for writing in.

Pull down your foreskin regularly and clean your penis.

If the situation doesn't get better, please do visit a good sexologist who could examine your penis.

Regards,

RainbowMan

P.S. Good sexual hygiene is the best gift for our sexual partners