Sexolve 158: ‘My Husband Plays PUBG With Another Woman’

Love is love when it is set free singly. Love and doubt cant exist in the same heart, writes Harish Iyer in Sexolve.

“Every night my husband plays PUBG with a woman who I don’t know”

(Photo: iStockphoto)

Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.

If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to [e-mail].

This week’s Q&A is below:

‘My Lover Is 8 Years Younger Than Me, Will it Work?’

Your partner needs to be of 18 years to commit to a relationship.(Photo: iStockphoto)

Dear RainbowMan,

My lover is 8 years younger than me. We and fell in love in a short time, knowing the huge age gap between us. She often says me that she's going marry me and start a family, but I'm not actually ready now for any type of commitment to her or to her parents. I'm very much scared from this thought of marriage, as I'm having minimum 5 years with me to get married, as I've to complete my LLB first. I also know that no one is going to accept our relation having this huge age gap, may it be our families or friends. But she constantly keeps on saying that she'll fight against all odds to be with me, basically she is being childish (as she is going to be 18 soon)

I don't know how to say it to her that this relationship of ours will not work, and we'll have to part ways. What should I do?

LoverBoy

Dear LoverBoy,

Thank you for sharing with me. I understand that the bond of love that you share with your partner is deep and you feel strongly about this relationship in many ways. However, there are a few challenges that you both could encounter in this relationship.

Your partner needs to be of 18 years to commit to a relationship. While there is no stopping you both from loving each other. If this gets to any form of sexual exchanges of any form – virtually or physically, there is a possibility that the adult in the relationship is tried under a law called POCSO.

From 2012, POCSO or Protection Of Children From Sexual Offenses Act, as the name suggests is an act that protects children from verbal, textual, visual or physical trauma. While I understand that the idea of maturity may be varied, but as a rule people under 18’s consent is invalid and the onus of the act is on the adult in the relationship.

My intention is not to scare you, but to tell you clearly what you could land into. If any of your expressions of love, if interpreted as abuse and if there is any complaint in this regard, you may end up battling a court case. The issue would have been a little lenient if both of you’ll were minors. However, in the case where one is a minor and the other is an adult, the onus is always on the adult.

So, I would suggest that you wait till she is 18. Wait patiently. And then if she consents and your love is strong, meet her and take it forward.

Smiles,
RainbowMan

PS: True love can stand the test of time.

‘My Husband Plays PUBG With Another Woman’

If your concern is his addiction to PUBG, let me share that I personally think that any obsessive addiction is bad.(Photo: iStockphoto)

Dear RainbowMan,

I am a 32 year-old woman married for 8 years to a very kind man. I have no doubt about the fact that my husband loves me a lot. However, every night he plays PUBG with a woman whom I don’t know. When I asked my husband tells me that she is just his gaming partner. I fear that they may start an affair because PUBG is very addictive game and I have heard of stories of gaming partners starting an affair with each other. I am very tensed angry and sad at the same time. Please suggest what I should do.

Shaq-ina

Dear Shaq-ina,

Thank you for writing to you and trusting me with your home-truths. At the outset, I should confess that I have never played PUBG but I have read about it and seen my friends being absolutely obsessed with it.

If your concern is his addiction to PUBG, let me share that I personally think that any obsessive addiction is bad, but I also think that adults should take a decision themselves to deal with the addiction. Your husband is old enough. Be there beside him. Raise your concern with him about his addiction and discuss with him.

If he loves you truly, he would understand. He would give you the space to question him and he will reflect on his life as a mark of respect for the bond you share with him.

However, if you are more concerned about him starting an affair with his gaming partner, then I would suggest that you gauge your emotions again. Do not spoil your relationship with your husband on some imagined romantic affair based on your reading of some random article.

I have read of more articles and watched more movies on how doubt ruins a relationship that I have about PUBG partners becoming life partners.

You love your husband, your husband loves you so discuss with him. Tell him about your vulnerabilities and clear your doubts. Just don’t make it look like you doubt his integrity.

Love is love when it is set free singly. Love and doubt can’t exist in the same heart. The heart has place just for one of these two.

So wish you the best in love.

Smiles,
RainbowMan

PS: Let love prevail.

‘How to Find True Love?’

I know that love cannot be planned, it just happens when it has to happen.(Photo: iStockphoto)

Dear Rainbow Man,

I've grown up reading love stories and watching movies where people find their Happily Ever Afters. Now I watch as my friends around me find love and get into relationships. And I want that too, so badly! The only problem is that I am such a homebody that I hate even stepping out of the house. I love spending time alone but at times it gets so lonely I want to cry.

Add to this, I recently moved to Mumbai where I know only my office friends. And I don't happen to meet new people. When will it be my turn to fall in love? When does one even meet people for that matter?

Longing for love

Dear Longing For Love,

Thanks for writing in. Thanks for sharing your longings with me. I should confess something to you. I am a single and I get very similar feelings about love and longing every now and then.

I know this longing. This is a familiar territory.

There was a time in my life when I used to question my ability to love and there were some other times when I thought that I am not lovable enough. But over time I realised that it is a matter of time and sometimes it is a matter of chance when we meet the right person.

Bombay is a space that is super fast, but it also gives you time and energy to invest in your interests.

Do you like reading books, watching films, playing a sport etc? Maybe, you should invest time in a personal interest or a hobby.

I know that love cannot be planned, it just happens when it has to happen. But love also doesn’t happen until you go out and meet people who could possibly fit in your idea of someone you would be interested in.

Meet people who think like you. Meet people who dream like you. Look for people with shared interests and maybe that’s where your love is.

Smiles
RainbowMan

PS: Go out. Love stands out.

(The text and the location has been edited to protect the identity of the people. You can send in your questions to [e-mail])

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals)