Isolate & Exploit: What 'Grooming' In Relationships Looks Like

FIT reached out to experts to understand what grooming is and what possible impacts it might leave on the victims.

Grooming is a form of abuse that usually plays out due to a power dynamic – an age gap, workplace hierarchy, or financial dominance.

(Photo: FIT)

Earlier this month, American YouTuber Onision, with over two million subscribers, was accused of “recruiting, soliciting, and grooming,” minors through his platform and coercing them into having sexual intercourse with him. Grooming, while a very common form of abuse, is still not something a lot of people seem to be aware of.

FIT reached out to experts to understand what grooming is and what possible impacts it might leave on the victim in the long term.

What is Grooming?

Grooming is a form of abuse that usually plays out due to a power dynamic – an age gap, workplace hierarchy, or financial dominance. Through grooming, the perpetrator tries to isolate the victim (who in most such cases are minors) and abuse or exploit them sexually or otherwise.

Usually, groomers would scout for victims who might have a turbulent family background or are vulnerable in some sense to dominate over them.

Dr Sameer Malhotra, Director and Head, Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Max Multi Speciality Centre, shares that it’s been observed that most groomers would have some sort of trauma baggage with them already, that could be traced back to them as young adults, or they might have been subjected to some form of abuse themselves, which is why they might have developed exploitative traits or sadism.

This, of course, is not true in every scenario, and not an excuse anyway. 

How Does Grooming Happen?

Grooming happens to be a multi-layered form of abuse because one, the perpetrator is known to you, and two, they won’t start abusing you on day one. They’ll take the time to know you and develop a bond with you, eventually coercing you into exploitation.

Dr Malhotra explains that the ways to groom someone might include:

• The perpetrator would try to try to build an emotional bond or connect with the victim by fulfilling their needs and wants and trying to be available for them all the time “with the aim to gradually make the victim go through some form of sexual abuse or exploitation,” says Dr Malhotra.

• The perpetrator might also try to alienate the victim from their family, friends, and their immediate support system, so that no one can influence the victim in any way. This is also to simultaneously increase the victim’s dependency on the groomer. 

• Sharing secrets or confidential things with the victim to forge an emotional connection or develop trust might be another way. 

• Usually groomers trying to abuse minors would also try to discuss inappropriate subjects with them such as pornography or sexual intercourse.

Dr Malhotra suggests that all of this is just laying the groundwork to ultimately push physical and emotional boundaries of abuse with the victim.

Impacts On The Victim

Grooming can leave a victim traumatised in the long run.

According to The Healthy Journal, a grooming victim might:

• Suffer from anxiety, depression, or other mental health problems

• Have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Face trouble falling asleep

• Lose focus

• Become "uncommunicative"

Red Flags To Be Wary Of

While the power dynamic and age gap is an obvious red flag if someone is trying to get unnecessarily close to you, there are certain other things that Dr Malhotra suggests one should be wary of as well, especially minors.

If an adult is taking a significant interest in a minor’s life, while also trying to isolate them or pitch their family/friends against them, it’s a good idea to start maintaining a certain distance from them.

Similarly, if someone is trying to overindulge you and showering you with gifts for no apparent reason, there could be an ulterior motive.

Another red flag would be someone trying to push your physical boundaries and coercing you to take drugs or alcohol. 

An important distinction in grooming for adults and minors is that in order to establish control, groomers in adult relationships might obsessively lie to the victim. Or as is known in popular terms, catfish them.