Alert, Parents: Depression Can Happen In Kids As Young As 5

Every day when my son and his friends would be excited to enter playschool, while four-year-old Aman* would cling hard to his Granny and refuse to enter, “tummy pain, no-no school, no-nooooo school”.

Granny would roll her eyes, look exasperated and begin her twenty minutes monologue on how what a joyride kindergarten is and that she’ll be back in no time to pick him up for home.

Aman looked terrified. Seriously terrified.

A couple of moms, including me, took turns to explain, comfort, reassure but the little fellow would budge and stop wailing only when eventually Granny lost her temper and threatened no nursery rhyme videos for a week. Granny felt awful, would often sheepishly justify while a visibly defeated Aman reluctantly entered the school courtyard.

We could see how worry was becoming part and parcel of a four-year-old’s routine but of course dismissed it as adjustment issues. Which kid doesn’t have fears, right?

A year later, at five, Aman has been diagnosed with classic symptoms of general anxiety; he is mostly home-bound and is making negligible progress in therapy so far.

As a mother myself, the diagnosis sounds unconscionable and astonishing. But the diagnosis is becoming more and more common and it even has a name - preschool depression.

It’s not so common but we’re definitely seeing a rise in cases of anxiety before they start primary school. The hallmark of depression in the four to seven age group is a general lack of joy in every day activities. It’s the type of sadness that goes much beyond a bad day, or a bad phase.

Dr Anjali, Child Psychiatrist

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimates that at any given point, at least 5% of children and adolescents suffer from some kind of depression or anxiety. (Photo: iStock altered by The Quint)

“It’s Not Bad Parenting, Just the Wiring Of the Brain. We Can’t Explain It But Can Treat It”

Watch out if your kid has a persistent lack of appetite, general disinterest, disruption of sleep and a chronic low phase which they can’t snap out of. (Photo: iStock altered The Quint)

You’d think that five-year-olds have it easy these days. For starters, they have access to iPads. Their rooms put Ikea masterpieces to shame, they are dressed to the nines, have Pinterest-inspired birthday parties and more toys than they have time to play with. You’d think that this is the best time to be five.

But the pressures these little fellows live through are daunting. I’m not talking about the strict routines or much broccoli in their diets, but the immense stress of going through playschool (it compulsorily starts at 18 months in Mumbai), where every grade-B is made to appear like a final nail in the future career coffins, with round-the-clock scheduled activities, these little marshmallows are sapped of a carefree childhood. And they don’t even know it.

According to the World Health Organisation, 1 in 8 kids before the age of 18 will suffer from depression or anxiety, sometimes they will recover in less than three months, sometimes they won’t.

The red flags in Aman’s case were the utter detachment from things he loved, his complete indifference towards going out, running, jumping - typical things which kids do all the time.

He would lie on the couch for most his awake hours, holding his tummy, sometimes his head and watch his previous birthday videos on my phone. But when we planned to go out and eat cake, he would refuse and shut his eyes. He chose staying at home with <i>Dadi </i>or me than going out for a playdate. I just kept dismissing it as shyness. I’m also an introvert. But in the back of my mind, I knew something wasn’t right. 

Aman’s Mother

When to Worry About Your Child’s Worries

Not everybody has a gregarious temperament, so how do you know when a child is not ‘just shy’?

Shyness is a personality trait. If the kid is just shy, he will lead a normal life and not have any negative emotions or feelings associated with anxiety or a social phobia. A child clinging on to the mother, hiding their face when they meet someone new is shyness but if the child is visibly afraid, gets physical aches and pains when he sees a new person, he can have social anxiety. We don’t know why that happens. Mothers take it upon themselves that it is the result of bad parenting, but it is not. The anxious brains are wired differently, I can’t explain it but we can treat it. 

Dr Anjali, Child Psychiatrist 

(Photo: Nikita Mishra/The Quint)

Parenting an Anxious Child

Parenting is challenging. It’s like juggling four balls while standing on one leg. Parenting an anxious child is hard too, only add in a few knives with the balls, and you’re juggling with one leg on a slippery slope. (Photo: Nikita Mishra/The Quint)

There is no one-size-fits-all solution in anxiety, getting your child evaluated by an expert is the first step to getting better.

Medication is almost never given in children under the age of 7 years, psychiatrist’s mostly use play, art or music therapy to treat kids.

Allow the child to worry but help them go from ‘what ifs’ to ‘what is’ - bringing them back to the present will break the anxiety cycle, meditation and running helps release feel-good hormones and finally, don’t blame yourself for everything. You’re your child’s superhero.

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