Dear Mrs Funnybones, What About the Language of Empathy Over Wit?

Twinkle Khanna’s support of Akshay Kumar’s misogyny goes against her image as a witty champion of equal rights.

Akshay Kumar, Twinkle Khanna and Mallika Dua.

(Photo courtesy: Facebook/ Altered by The Quint)

I find it insulting to hold women responsible for the actions of their male partners. That’s not how sensible people react. But there is nothing morally wrong in noticing the silence of a certain social commentator who has an intelligent, witty response to everything else.

To my facebook post that questioned her silence, some also slammed me for expecting the columnist to comment on the issue as it involves her partner and therefore could affect marital bliss.

I believe she has the right to her silence. But albeit late, she did speak up - much to the dismay of champions of equal rights world over, she spoke only in favour of her wedded male partner. It is time that I don’t hide behind the pretense of diplomacy and dont shy away from naming her. I am referring to the queen of wit, columnist and author Twinkle Khanna.

Also read: Vogue Speech: Karva Chauth to Capes, Mrs Funnybones Swings a Punch

Here’s what happened in a nutshell. Akshay Kumar, her partner, had infamously made an unwarranted remark on fellow comedian Mallika Dua in a leaked video: “Aap ghanti bajaao, main aapko bajaata hu”. Much water has flown under the bridge post that. Mallika’s father took offence to Akshay Kumar and said “Screw this cretin” on Facebook. Mallika Dua responded with a post on The Quint.

All this while, Twinkle Khanna maintained silence about the issue she was so obviously privy to. Vinod Dua’s Facebook post and Mallika’s tweet have been taken down. Twinkle’s ‘not having an opinion’ is an opinion that we need to respect. Now that she has stood strongly by her partner’s misogyny, it is my right to have an opinion about her opinion. And IMHO, in this case, she is nothing but a bigot.

Here’s Twinkle’s post:

Twinkle argues that “Tum bell bajao, main aapko bajaata hu” is a “pun of word” “a colloquial phrase that both men and women use”. Yes, it is. “Game bajaana” is a colloquially used phrase regardless of gender, especially in Mumbai, for murdering, beating up or even fornicating with someone. Which of these three did Akshay mean?

Further Twinkle argues that “Bajaate Raho” is the Radio Channel Red FM’s slogan and that it is without any sexual connotations. As someone who is a fan boy of RED FM RJ Mallishka’s work and as someone who consumed RED FM right from its birth, I would like to state that Red FM has pioneered in using the “Bajaate Raho” phrase in the context of holding people accountable for their words and their actions.

What was seen as a passive one-way medium of relaying news and views and songs, was transformed by Red FM with the slogan Bajaate Raho. In their context, it means something like “face the music”. They have stood fiercely and fearlessly against killer potholes and railway bridges that burst to its seams. They have time and again used the slogan to bring civic issues to the forefront and have also stood with their staff when the political tide was against them.

May be, I am missing the point, may be someone could help me understand – what social service is Akshay Kumar trying to engage in here when he says “main aapko bajaata hu” to Mallika Dua?

One may argue that “bajaata hu” is also sometimes used in the context of ‘being reprimanded’ or ‘scolded’. But then, what is Akshay Kumar scolding or reprimanding Mallika Dua for? Is it okay for bosses and people in hot seats to use this for their less famous subordinates, and that too publicly?

Twinkle Khanna argues that even Vinod Dua, Mallika’s father said, “I will screw this cretin Akshay Kumar”. She says “ Should Mr Dua’s statement be taken literally or in context”. Well, Vinod Dua’s response could have been more nuanced and less emotional.

But what do you say when someone speaks about “bajaaoing” someone you love? Though nothing can be an excuse, the difference between Akshay Kumar’s statement and Vinod Dua’s statement is the same as the difference between “provocation” and “reaction”. The provocation here has no context, the reaction does.

And Twinkle, as a witty champion of equal rights that she gets branded as, is oblivious to the fact that there are no trans comics and not many female comics as compared to male ones. I can count them on my fingers of one hand: Aditi Mittal, Radhika Vaz, Vasu Primlani, Kaneez Suka, Bharati.

This is a male bastion. If you can’t support them, don’t run down on them with sexist and sexualised comments at least. Is that what we expect from a person of Akshay Kumar’s power and privilege, who in many ways has further championed Indian-ness and patriotism?

Since Twinkle very proudly pen words for her male partner to speak at award functions, how about penning an apology for him for any hurt that was caused?

Is he too big for that? Akshay Kumar has been conferred with the Padma Shri. I don’t believe that people who have been conferred with a civilian honour should suddenly be all serious and not swear at all. However, is an apology too much to expect from Padma Shri Mananiya Shri Akshay Kumar ji, especially when the person he has commented upon is deeply upset?

Everything would have been put to rest if he simply apologised. He didn’t address the issue, but his partner Twinkle’s tweets and jokes make her the queen of insensitivity.

The bottomline is that no one can tell anyone how they should feel when an insult is hurled at them. Sensitive and educated people either refine their language, or apologise to someone who they have offended. They don’t look down upon people, they come down from their moral high ground to apologise.

On that note, I reckon Mrs Funnybones doesn’t understand the language of empathy, but of wit. Here is a witty song to bring an end to this love letter to her.

(Harish Iyer is an equal rights activist working for the rights of the LGBT community, women, children and animals.)

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