‘Humour is Like Deodorant’: Mrs Funnybones on Power of Blogging

(Photo: Twitter/@mrsfunnybones)

Her unbridled candour and wit completely charmed Kolkata. Mrs Funnybones had the 350-strong audience in splits.

At an event titled ‘Superpower of Blogging’ organised by the Ladies Studies Group, a half-a-century-old prestigious organisation in the city, Twinkle Khanna’s new avatar came shining through. Her sparkling demeanour even had the moderator, firebrand journalist Barkha Dutt, smiling ever so indulgently at the guest.

She learnt to handle struggles early in life. With a name like ‘Twinkle’ what choice did she have, she shared with the audience.

A plump schoolgirl, she was the butt of jokes… “Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are! Up above the sky so high, Like a teapot in the sky,” recollected the now svelte 43-year-old actress-turned-author.

Peals of laughter resounded as she added that her mother, Dimple Kapadia is today not even allowed to name their pets!

From Mathematics to Films

A nerd who loved Mathematics, Twinkle was most keen on becoming a Chartered Accountant .

I was so excited when I got 97% in my Maths exam and when I told my mother she said, ‘Well you weigh about the same’!

Her CA dreams slowly faded into the background as being a child of successful star parents, film offers arrived.

It was all about numbers, Twinkle did a quick calculation and realised that at her age no job would pay her this kind of money and she plunged into her acting career. It was something she never enjoyed, but doesn’t regret either. “I met my husband after all,” she beams.

Biggest Cheerleader & Censor

And what does husband, actor Akshay Kumar make of her new career: Blogs and books? With refreshing candour she says, “Well he hasn’t read a book in his life, so he thinks I am a genius.” But her biggest cheerleader is now her censor who goes through her blogs before they go on air.

I like to be equally mean to everybody. An equal opportunity offender. Of course I do get into trouble… For instance when I wrote a matrimonial ad for Salman Khan… A handsome man wants a woman who likes driving off the beaten path and does a lot of buck buck and the time I said PM Modi could be a good Santa Claus and instead of reindeer there would be cows. Recently, a lady posted a picture of a bowl of papaya and called it Yogi Adityanath. No one said anything to her. If I had done that, I would have been lynched. 

Her message for women… Not to focus on external appearances. Looks are an area of diminishing returns. For Twinkle, it is books over botox.

After a certain age it is not about your looks but what kind of person you are and what you are doing . I don’t worry about the lines appearing on my face, I am more concerned about what lines to write next.

‘I Want to Change Perspectives’

Blogs have given her life a new meaning. Her special technique is to get her point across with wit and lightness.

Humour she adds is like deodorant. You can live without it, but if you use it you help not just yourself but others around you! “I wrap my message with entertainment. I want to make people laugh. I want them to notice the ridiculousness around us. I want to change perspectives.”

Inspired by a man who made a low-cost machine to manufacture sanitary napkins for his wife, Twinkle decided to tell his story.

I also want to remove the shame around menstruation and start a conversation. When I was in boarding school I had two friends who shared with us how when they went home during the vacations they were kept in isolation for those four to five days and their food was served to them separately.

Sexual harassment is another subject she feels strongly about. “I had a wealthy client who made me uncomfortable. I chose to ignore it and finish the work and move on. Situations like this can put you in a spot. If you share with your family, they will want to punch him in the face and then tell you it is safer to be home!”

On Ghost Writers & Mother Dimple

It was a heady sensation when her columns began going viral. An excited Twinkle shared her joy with her mother who responded with a, “You know, last evening I noticed your serving dishes didn’t match.”

There was laughter in the hall as Twinkle explained, “My mother ensures we stay grounded. Our family doesn’t make a big deal of success. That is why we accept failure with ease too.”

Many in the film industry were convinced she had a ghost writer to do her pieces.

Just because I am from Bollywood and my name is Twinkle that doesn’t mean I can’t spell. I mean I know I have blond streaks in my hair! Yes sadly, there is a perception that if you are in Hindi films you have no brains. Bollywood has a different set of skills and being well-read is not a part of their skill set. Plus very often, they are too diplomatic to share their views and steer clear of controversies.

As Namrata Sureka, President of the Ladies Study Group says,“Twinkle walked away from Bollywood without batting an eyelid. She has had the courage to be a catalyst in highlighting social problems. Don’t fall for her disarming pen name Mrs Funnybones. She can easily dissect you with her literary wit.”

All charged up, Twinkle is forging ahead, and she adds teasing her “trophy” husband, who just received a National Award, about being more famous than him by the time she is 65!

(Payal Mohanka is a Kolkata-based senior journalist.)