These Bizarre Fatwas Should Be the Reason for Islam’s Phobias!

These 8 illogical and bizarre fatwas will leave you stumped regardless of your religion.

Though Fatwas are perceived to be religious orders, what they really are is a bunch of opinions that you may choose to follow or ignore, based upon the leader/teacher you respect.

While they’re commonly contradictory to each other, thanks to the various interpretations of Islam and innumerable schools of thought therein, here are some particularly illogical ones that you’ll have a hard time even getting your head around.

1. Tomboys No Different From Lesbians

The Malaysian National Fatwa Council, Malaysia’s top Islamic council, stands firmly against tomboyish behaviour and lesbian sex, as if they’re the same damn thing! Yes, you read that right. According to a report, this is so because the council believes that both tomboys and lesbian women ‘violate human nature.’ Even under the country’s civil law, dressing up like men and/or two women having sex can land one up in prison for 20 years, be caned or fined.

Sisters in Islam at Kuala Lumpur did raise their voice against this fatwa stalling the process of defining a specific punishment for the ‘crime’.

2. Mickey Mouse is Satan

Mickey Mouse is coming for you! In a video interview, Saudi cleric Sheikh Muhammad Al-Munajid said that the harmless animated mouse we grew up loving, is Satan’s Soldier. If you ask me, a lot of things are way more satanic – sugar, carbs, that favourite outfit not in your size and food delivery guys that arrive late. But, Mickey Mouse? No!

3. Buffets Are Haraam

A member of the Standing Committee of the Council of Senior Scholars, Sheikh Saleh bin Abdullah Al-Fawzan is of the opinion that anyone eating a buffet, without pre-deciding the quantity they plan to consume, will be violating Sharia (Islamic) law. According to a news report, the reason behind this fatwa is that a clear price for transactions is not stated. What?? Has this guy ever dived into a buffet? I think not. This statement created quite an outrage on Twitter criticising the Sheikh’s comment. Clearly, it’s a foodie world.

4. Women Banned From Using Emojis

According to a VICE report, another fatwa dictates that the use of emoticons is allowed, but only if you’re a man. Yes, if you’re a woman, you have no right to express your happiness with a smiley. This particular school of thought believes that the Quran forbids one to draw a picture of another person. Umm, that’s taking it a bit too far, no? It also says that women can’t send emoticons to a guy outside their family. I understand that idol worship is not your thing, but since when did emoticons become human? Also, does this mean that women are easily distracted outside of their marriage? Maybe i’ll email you some ‘who cheats on whom more’ statistics.

The bizarre is not over yet, read on.

5. After Mickey, Pokemon Becomes the Devil:

According to an ABC report, the hugely popular animated character Pokemon has been forbidden by Saudi Arabia’s Higher Committee for Scientific Research and Islamic Law, the country’s highest religious authority, since it believes that there is no place for such imaginary and superpower-ed creatures in the Islamic state. In fact, they’ve gone to the extent of declaring Pokemon video games and cards haraam. What’s the logic you ask? Well, such activities supposedly promote gambling and ‘possess’ young minds. Well, where should I even begin with all the content out there? Entertainment of all kind should be fatwa-ed by this logic. We are all ‘possessed’ in the digital age.

6. Eating Meat of the Djinn is Allowed

Egyptian preacher Mohamed al-Zoghbi has made eating of the djinn permissible. Don’t believe me? Read this news report. This one wins hands down frankly. This is outrageous and nonsensical to say the least, but I have a more pressing question. Where will we find these delectable djinns?

7. Travelling Abroad is Forbidden

Sheikh Abdullah al-Suwailem is part of the Saudi Arabian Munasaha program that aims to rehabilitate al-Qaeda members held in prison. It is important to know who he is, before you find out what he preaches. The religious leader is of the opinion that no man should travel abroad, because one must avoid, if one cannot abstain, from the haraam practices of other countries. According to a news report, he advised people of his faith to avoid overseas travel in order to steer clear of temptations and everything else that Islam forbids. Crossing the seas should be allowed in the case of a necessity, but that makes this fatwa even more vague. Who decides what warrants a flight ticket? We should probably be asking Al Qaeda, eh?

But Sheikh Ahmed Bin Qassim al-Ghamdi, the former head of Makkah’s religious police, shot down this diktat promoting travel as a way to broaden one’s horizons, saying that imams and religious scholars need it the most. We couldn’t agree more sir.

8. You Can’t Live on Mars

In case you were planning to move from Earth, which for some has become rather boring a planet to continue living on, you shouldn’t consider Mars, and here’s why. According to a CNN report, the United Arab Emirates’ General Authority for Islamic Affairs and Endowments (GAIAE), which is an independent legal authority that reports to the government, a fatwa has been issued prohibiting life on Mars.

Here’s the logic behind it. GAIAE forbids travel to Mars, if there’s no life on the planet since the chances of dying there are higher than living. Hence, this would be a suicide of sorts, which is forbidden under Islamic principles. This one is bizarre considering that the first ever Muslim space tourist was Saudi Arabia’s Prince Sultan bin Salman Al-Saud, when he joined the crew of American space shuttle Discovery in 1985. Good for him that this fatwa didn’t exist then.

Add to this list the recent case of a Saudi Arabian ‘mufti’ issuing a controversial fatwa allowing husbands to chop their wives into pieces for consumption in the case of extreme hunger. Unfortunately these bizarre fatwas get widely reported, and set a terrible precedent for Islam. I hold them singlehandedly responsible for Islamophobia.