“You should be married by 25, so that you can have kids by 30, so that they’re old enough to be earning by the time you retire”, I still want to slap the nosy aunty who gave me that logic at a distant cousin’s wedding. But I also want to slap all those who thought it was a great idea to start looking for a boy for me on my 21st birthday! Thank god my parents didn’t take that seriously. And am I glad that I wasn’t thinking of being hitched for life at 21, or 25 for that matter.
Obviously, there’s no single logic that works. It’s a highly personal choice and I am not standing here in judgement of Mira Rajput or any other girl who takes the bold step into nuptials at that young an age. The only point I’m making frankly, is that one shouldn’t take the plunge because OTHERS think it’s time for you to have babies.
But hey! I’m glad I waited till I was 30 and here’s why:
There’s Too Much Else to Explore at 21
You just graduated (I’m hoping you weren’t married off right after your board exams!) and honestly know nothing much of the world. I firmly believe that intelligence comes from exploring. Choices, variety, distractions and heartache help you grow, and by 21 you haven’t experienced much of these.
You Barely Know What Being an Adult Means
With marriage comes certain responsibilities. Since parenthood follows soon enough, even more! All of it takes some serious maturity and tough decision making. But if you haven’t figured how well you score on both those fronts, life can be quite the uphill climb, simply exhausting. It’s better to be aware of your strengths and your weaknesses in your carefree years. You’ll be better equipped for the future, trust me!
Hot Headed and Hot Blooded- Bad Combination
The rebel in you is probably at her best at 21, which is the worst thing possible for you if you live with your in-laws. Plus, you just got done living with your parents. Why would you go straight to living with in-laws? They’re going to tolerate a lot less than what your folks put up with. If the 11pm parental deadline wasn’t bad enough, now you’ve gotta get home by 7pm and cook perfectly round rotis! Need I say more?
The First Option Is Not Necessarily the Best
Do you buy the first dress you try? Or order the first thing you read on a menu? Or move into the first apartment you check out? Then why be rushed by family to marry the first guy they think would be ‘suitable’ for you? In fact, you might be worse off marrying the first guy you pick yourself. At 21, if you’re supremely lucky, you’ll marry your college sweetheart and never regret it. But the 20s are the most formative years of your life when it comes to understanding what makes you happy. Only then can you set out to find it. Why settle with what is probably the most permanent thing in life already? Hidden bonus - you get to learn from the mistakes of others!
You’re Not Running Out of Options
No one should be threatened into marriage. Yet how many times have you been advised to get married in time or else the horrors of the world shall descend upon you- “baad mein achha ladka nahin milega”. The panic never helps. All it does is hasten your decision making for all the wrong reasons. Get hitched when you’re ready for permanent companionship, are in a happy place and find a guy who’s done playing games too.
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