New Year, New You: Vandana Malik’s Weight Loss Battle, Episode 5

Vandana Malik has tried every trick in the book in her weight loss saga, winning some and losing some (weight).

(In the week, and in fact, many weeks following the Christmas/New Year’s binge, if there’s ONE resolution you fervently take, it is to lose weight. This will be the week. Month... year.... But we shall do it! The Quint would like to help you in your pursuit and to let you know that it's okay if you face stumbling blocks along the way. In that context, here’s republishing Vandana Malik’s weight loss battles from our archives – a woman who attempted every fad diet in the book and made discoveries she never thought she would.)

So the ‘He Diet’ was actually one of the most successful diets... at least while it lasted.  I managed to knock off 12kilos. But, of course, one falls inevitably into old patterns; I was unable to sustain it for too long.

Before you laugh your gleeful laugh though, I must tell you,that all was not lost. I did manage to hang on to the lifestyle change – which is no mean achievement for someone like me. Even today I wake up at 6.30 am,hit the gym (or the pool) by 7.15 and finish my morning workout by 9.

Which leaves me with a happy realisation – that while I maynot be able to hang on to the weight loss I achieve with each diet, I am able to make onesmall but significant lifestyle change every time.

The Price of Celebrity? Following the Herd

So, by this time I’d gotten a little well-known among thetelevision and film fraternity – enough to hear of this one dietician thatalmost every celebrity in tinsel town seemed to go to.

Her USP was an ancientmethod called acupuncture (picture sharp, hair-like needles pricking into one’sbody) and I was quite simply, horrified, for I’d never heard of such a thing before.Out of sheer disbelief, I decided to take an appointment with her. Even achildhood phobia of injections couldn’t keep me away – I simply had to meetthis magician who could suck away fat with pointy needles.

After amonth-long wait (and an additional four hours outside her clinic), I entered her hallowed chambers. Only to realise that 10 other people hadbeen given the same time slot.

Yup, that’s what happens when you’re waiting inline to meet a much-too famous dietitian who dotes on the services of theeven-more-famous.

Of Needles and Empty Bellies

All would have been forgiven had the magic worked.

After filling almost 10 questionnaires and waiting thoseexcruciating four hours, I finally met the esteemed dietician. She spent precisely10 minutes with me and then handed me over to her assistants who explained thediet to me. This is what they said:

Monday to Friday should be only liquids. Thiscould be anything from jal jeera paani, pudina paani, vegetable juice andnimbu paani (no salt, sugar or honey) to 10 glasses of water. There would alsobe an hour of acupuncture each day. ‘Normal’ food (I was suddenly revising my notions of what this comprised) was allowed on Saturdays andSundays, but quantity was to be limited – as well as the intake of oil.

Once the announcement was over, they handed meover to a maid who then took me to a room for the acupuncture treatment.

I took one look at the filthy bed in the middleof the filthy room and ran out of the place faster than you can say ‘MilkhaSingh’.

A Hop and a Skip to the Next Dietitian...

After having spent close to five hours for a consultation whichshould have been no more than one, I had realised just how precious my time was. Itdidn’t take long to comprehend that the wait would be a daily one sincethere were just too few beds in relation to the number of clients (and the bed-to-patientratio just did not add up). Remarkably unimpressed with what I had just beenthrough, I decided that the ‘celebrity diet’ was best retired.

Luckily I wasn’t without a dietitian for long. I have a largenumber of friends who love me and one of them recommended me to another ladywho was conducting the same practice – but with a much more practical approach.I went to her for a while before I finally decided I’d had my fill ofacupuncture.

So what was my takeaway from this experience, you may ask?It’s certainly better to not be famous if the price of celebrity was this dailytorture to attain a size zero figure. This, mind you, comes from someone whoseobsession with becoming thin borders on insanity.

I’ll let you know how myneedle diet went, in detail, next week.

Till then, cheat a little (aka, eat a packet of maltesers)but also work out daily, sleep well – and simply have fun with the family – like I am, on a holiday in bright sunnyLondon!

(Vandana Malik will be writing in with what she calls a new weight loss “attempt” every week for readers of The Quint. Watch this space for more!)